Oops

If you’re Alex Rodriguez, and you’re been busted for using steroids …

If you’ve told the nation’s sporting press you got the drugs from your cousin …

If your story is that your cousin not only provided the drugs but shot you up with them …

You might — I say might — want to have your cousin stay away for a while.

Instead, Rodriguez has his cousin Yuri Sucart pick him up after the Yankees’ first spring training game.

Smooth move, A-Rod.

Sucart’s presence did not go unnoticed by the press or by Yankees general manager Brian Cashman, who said Thursday that the matter “has been handled.”

I bet it has.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/spring2009/news/story?id=3936975

“Do you know who I am?”

Ah, entitlement.

Jillian McCarney isn’t an athlete or a celebrity but she still has that pretense to privilege that makes the behavior of many jocks and entertainers so attractive.

McCarney is the daughter of a University of Florida assistant football coach — not even the head coach, mind you. But that’s still enough reflected glory for her to act "special" when a problem arose at her apartment, where she was hosting a party.

According to the cops, the 21-year-old University of Iowa student (her dad used to coach there) became verbally abusive when they detained her for having a disorderly house, screaming, “Do you know who my dad is? He is Dan McCarney.”

The police report stated that McCarney tried to hit and kick the officer and later “guaranteed all her charges will be ‘dropped’ because her name is ‘McCarney’ and they have “a lot of money.”

And actually, the way things work in college towns, she might have been right if she’d shut up and cooperated. Having charges dropped seems a lot less likely now …

Friday column: Maybe he can also work on ending poverty

At his tightly controlled news conference a few days ago, Alex Rodriguez told us he wants to “start making the world a better place.”

Which is sweet.

Of course, he didn’t say how he would begin to do that, but then, Miss Congeniality really isn’t into specifics — such as exactly what steroids he took and exactly how he got them.

Nor is he particularly forthcoming about his association with trainer Angel Presinal, who has been linked to performance-enhancing drugs and is banned from every clubhouse in Major League Baseball.

According to the New York Daily News, Presinal was Rodriguez’s constant companion in 2007, when the Yankee third baseman’s home-run total jumped from 35 to 54.

Asked about Presinal, Rodriguez said, “I’m not getting into any of that.”

I can’t say I blame him, and his staying mum is OK with me, as it allows use of a line I found at QuotationPage.com: “Actions lie louder than words.”

The quote’s author, Carolyn Wells (1862-1942), was a writer known mostly for nonsense verse, which makes her perfect for today’s column — for a lot of what is being said about the steroid situation is nonsense.

Such as, Bud Selig’s insistence that he bears no responsibility for baseball’s steroid mess:

“I don’t want to hear the commissioner turned a blind eye to this or he didn’t care about it,” Selig said. “That annoys the you-know-what out of me. … I think we’ve come farther than anyone ever dreamed possible.”

However far the game has come — and the distance is debatable — is not because of Selig but pressure from Congress in the form of embarrassing hearings and the threat to mandate year-round, Olympic-style testing.

Leadership? Selig couldn’t lead a fish to water.

Now Donald Fehr is a leader, and he’s led the baseball union to a place where many of its most accomplished members are not only despised, but likely to be kept out of the Hall of Fame in spite of amazing numbers — numbers like 762 home runs, numbers like 354 career wins.

Fehr’s beef is that people keep talking about performance-enhancing drugs as though they are still a problem. Insists Fehr: “We fixed the problem and we need to look forward, as Bud has said many times.”

Any time Fehr is agreeing with Selig, it’s time for a bunkum alert.

Fehr fought testing tooth and nail, relenting only under congressional pressure, and he has the brass to say, “We” fixed the problem? We fixed the problem? That’s like Jeff Davis saying, “We ended slavery.”

Then there’s the little matter of HGH, which baseball does not test for.
Maybe A-Rod could publicly push for such testing — which was used at last year’s Olympics. That would make the baseball world, at least, a better place.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

There are drawbacks to a sports mentality

Recommended reading: Sally Jenkins’s Washington Post piece on the nexus of sports and high finance. Such CEOs or former CEOs such as Bank of America’s Kenneth Lewis, Merrill Lynch’s John Thain, Morgan Stanley’s John J. Mack, J.P. Morgan Chase’s Jamie Dimon and Lehman Brothers’ Richard Fuld (that's Mr. Square Jaw, above) have sports backgrounds, and a sports mentality — which hasn’t always served them or their shareholders well.

Jenkins writes:

“Edward Bennett Williams called it ‘contest living,’ the unrelieved striving in which ‘every effort is marked down at the end as a win or a loss.’ In times of prosperity that kind of strut was called successful ambition, but as new frauds are revealed weekly and financial institutions turn to sand, it's fair to ask whether these super-motivated, aggressive risk-taker chief executives misapplied the notion of business as sport, and got too intoxicated with winning.”

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/18/AR2009021803541.html?hpid=sec-sports

How do you really feel, Ozzie?

Sunday, White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen took a shot at baseball’s penalties for banned substances, saying first-time violators should be kicked out of the game for a year. Currently, the penalty is 50 games.

"I feel we have to do something very drastic about this situation," he said.

The more Guillen talked, the more worked up he became, finally advocating a one-strike-and-you’re-out rule.

"That 50-game suspension? That's bull,” Guillen said. “I would say, 'Man, you get caught now, you're done for life.’ "

Later in the week, he took a shot at Alex Rodriguez — specifically at the story A-Rod peddled at his Tuesday news conference. Guillen didn’t exactly buy Rodriguez’s tale of not knowing what banned substances he took. Said Guillen:

"When you say you don't know what you was taking, he's like spitting in your face, like ignorance — "You guys are a bunch of idiots.

"Wow. You've been doing it for three, four, five years, six years, and you don't know what it's doing? I don't buy that one. I'm sorry. Alex is my dear friend but that's a slap in my face ... do you think I'm stupid?"

Friday column: Berlin to Dubai to Caracas

We’ve seen it before:

A Jewish athlete is not allowed to compete in an international event, excuses are made and the competition goes on anyway.

In 1936 it was the Berlin Olympics, where United States Olympic Committee head Avery Brundage — at the last minute — replaced Sam Stoller and Marty Glickman on the favored 4x100-meter relay team, sparing Hitler the embarrassment of seeing two Jews on the gold-medal platform.

In 2009 it’s the Barclays Dubai Tennis Championships, where the United Arab Emirates — at the last minute — denied Israel’s Shahar Peer a visa.

The UAE said that in the wake of Israel’s recent incursions into the Gaza Strip, it was concerned for Peer’s safety.

No one bought the excuse, especially since the UAE waited to deny the visa until last weekend — when most of the players were already in Dubai — making it extremely difficult for the Women’s Tennis Association to cancel the event, which began Sunday.

But protests were made. To its credit, the Tennis Channel responded to the snub of Peer by canceling plans to televise the tournament, and the WTA told Dubai its actions threatened future tennis events in the UAE.

But does the exclusion of a single athlete really matter?

It does.

Barring an athlete from an international event is meant to marginalize and intimidate. When it goes unchallenged, it’s not only wrong, it also can be a sign of the times. Two years after the Berlin Games — when the USOC seemingly bowed to Nazi pressure and benched Stoller and Glickman — came Kristallnacht.

But that was long ago, you say. The world has changed, you say. Well, this year in Venezuela, strongman Hugo Chávez, pushing a referendum that could allow him to stay in office indefinitely, cast about for a useful scapegoat to replace the departed George W. Bush, and found one.

According to a Washington Post editorial, a commentator on a pro-government Web site, following Chavez’s lead, demanded that citizens ‘publicly challenge every Jew that you find in the street, shopping center or park’ and called for a boycott of Jewish businesses (and) seizures of Jewish-owned property ...” Caracas’ largest synagogue was attacked by thugs, who spray-painted “Jews get out” on the walls and confiscated a registry of members.

Oddly, that news has been under-reported, while the controversy over Peer has not — and columns critical of the UAE in The New York Times, ESPN and elsewhere, combined with tough talk from the WTA, apparently have had an effect.

Thursday it was announced that Andy Ram of Israel would be allowed to play in a tennis tournament next week in Dubai. Ram’s lawyer said, “I hope that this is a breakthrough and marks the end to these types of things.”

I hope so, too — but I wouldn’t bet on it.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Are we in real trouble here? Roger that …

The week hasn’t gone so well for Roger Clemens.

On Tuesday, former Rep. Tom Davis, who defended Clemens when he testified last year before Congress, told the former pitcher through USA Today that he should "cut your losses." Then he said, "Frankly, I think we'll see (perjury) charges in the Clemens case and they will come around pretty quickly. Lying under oath is serious. It's not like A-Rod lying to Katie Couric in an interview. When you're under oath, you have to tell the truth."

Then Thursday, a judge dismissed most of Clemens’ defamation lawsuit against Brian McNamee – the trainer who fingered Clemens for using HGH and steroids.

The judge did let stand Clemens’ claim that McNamee defamed him when he twice told Andy Pettitte that Clemens had used HGH and steroids. Unfortunately for Clemens, Pettitte has already testified under that McNamee was telling the truth.

If Clemens still wants to pursue that part of the case, McNamee’s lawyers are more than happy to oblige.

"We look forward to litigating that and deposing Andy Pettitte,” Earl Ward said.

It would seem time for Clemens to drop what's left of the the lawsuit, come clean and make a deal. But the next intelligent thing Clemens does in this matter will be his first.

Don’t make him a victim

When I wrote a column that, in part, poked fun at swimmer Michael Phelps and his now-famous photographed bong hit, I got two e-mails from supporters of the legalization of marijuana. One was civil and got a reply. The other was just a mean-spirited rant and didn’t get a response.

As I told the one e-mailer, I’ve known too many people whose lives have been damaged by marijuana, among other drugs, to support its legalization. So I have no problem with Phelps being embarrassed by the photo, and no problem with the Kellogg Company's decision to drop the Olympic champion as a spokesman. Their call.

I also think it’s a little amusing that the bong’s owner has been arrested — tracked down by authorities after he put the bong for sale on eBay for $100,000 (that’s why they call it dope).

But reports that people who attended the party where the bong was used are being arrested — seemingly just so South Carolina deputies can grill them about Phelps — are disturbing. When it comes to the law, Phelps shouldn’t be treated more leniently than any other citizen. But neither should he be treated more harshly.

There are those who see Phelps as a victim. He isn’t — yet. But selective prosecution will certainly turn him into one.

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/swimming/news/story?id=3901721

Marvin, Marvin, Marvin …

Marvin Miller is more responsible than anyone for the rights and privileges that Major League Baseball players enjoy. Before Miller came along, owners truly took advantage of the athletes. Miller leveled the playing field — and then some. Good for him.

But Miller’s off base in his response to the outing of Alex Rodriguez as a steroid cheat.

According to Miller, the Players Association never should have agreed to testing in the first place:

"When (union leaders) agreed on a testing program, I said, 'They're going to regret this, because you're going to see players going to jail.' "

"It's a witch hunt in baseball, for sure …" Miller said.

Two points:

1) Yes, in agreeing to testing, the union cowed to pressure from Congress, but if the union hadn’t, it might well have ended up with congressionally mandated testing — year-round — that's much tougher than what they're stuck with now.

2) What makes a witch hunt a "witch hunt" is the idea that witches don't actually exist. Steroid cheats most certainly do.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3896888

Friday column: Father, forgive me, for I have juiced

The bad news for Alex Rodriguez is that he’s been revealed as a steroid cheat and a liar.

The good news?

Indulgences are back!

According to The New York Times, indulgences reintroduced in the Roman Catholic Church by Pope John Paul II have “increased markedly” under Benedict XVI.

Asked why the church is bringing them back, Bishop Nicholas A. DiMarzio told The Times, “Because there is sin in the world.”

Really? We hadn’t noticed.

OK, we’ve noticed.

Now, if you’re not Catholic — and even if you are — you might be asking, “What the heck is an indulgence?” Well, it depends on whom you ask.

According to The Times article, it’s a “sort of amnesty from punishment in the afterlife” — think time off from purgatory. But according to Wikipedia, referencing the Catholic Code of Canon Law, an indulgence is a full or partial remission of temporal punishment — think getting voted into the Hall of Fame in spite of being an admitted juicer.

In either case, Rodriguez would seem to stand to benefit. So, what does he need to do?

I know what you’re thinking — make a run for the nearest ATM. But, no, no, Martin Luther, the indulgences of today cannot be sold although, according to The Times, “charitable contributions, combined with other acts,” can help you earn one.

Which is more good news for A-Rod, who in 2001 signed a then-record $250 million contract with the Texas Rangers and is now working on a $275 million, 10-year deal with the Yankees. Charitable contributions are no problem.

Ah, but an indulgence also involves confession — and no, a dodgy sit-down with ESPN’s Peter Gammons doesn’t qualify.

Yes, Rodriguez is to be congratulated for being smarter than Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire, who dwell in the land of denial and silence. But his attempt during the Gammons interview to evade and shift responsibility by blaming a) his youth; b) the expectations that came with his contract; and c) “a loosey-goosey era” just doesn’t cut it.

Rodriguez’s other interview sin, as it were, was blaming the messenger — in this case, Selena Roberts of Sports Illustrated, who broke the story about A-Rod’s steroid use and about whom Rodriguez apparently spun some whoppers.

In a real confession, then, besides admitting his cheating and lying, Rodriguez would have to show contrition for breaking God’s injunction against “bearing false witness” (that’s Commandment No. 9, in case you’re keeping score at home.)

So, it won’t be easy. But if Alex can dig deep into his soul — and perhaps his pocket — thanks to John Paul and Benedict, a church indulgence can be his.

And just in time — for baseball’s indulgence of A-Rod and the rest of the steroid cheats has gone on long enough.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

What have you done for us lately?

In 2006, when a certain former Houston Astros pitcher gave $3 million to Memorial Hermann to help build the Texas hospital’s sports medicine clinic, the facility was named the Roger Clemens Institute for Sports Medicine.

At the time, the pitcher in question said, “Throughout my professional career and my life with Debbie and our four sons, I’ve tried to promote the importance of family, good health and fitness.”

What a difference a couple of years, a steroid accusation, a catastrophic appearance before Congress, and — oh — news of a dalliance with a young Country-Western singer, can make.

In December, the hospital announced Clemens’ name was being dropped from the clinic. If you’re wondering, yes, apparently they’re keeping the money.

The University of Miami also is keeping some money — in this case, cash received from one Alex Rodriguez for the renovation of its ball yard, Mark Light Field. The diamond’s rededication and renaming — you’ll never guess what they’re going to call it — is set for Saturday — one week after A-Rod was revealed as a steroid cheat and a liar.

Why the renaming? Let’s just say there are 3.9 million reasons for it. So, goodbye, Mark Light Field; hello, Alex Rodriguez Park.

Despite the steroid news, Miami has no plans to cancel the dedication or the name change. For the life of me, I’m not sure if that makes the U more dishonorable than Memorial Hermann or less.

But back to Mark Light Field. According to hurricanesports.com, in 1974 the then-state-of-the-art field was built with money from a Hurricane booster named George Light, and the field was named after Light’s son, who died of muscular dystrophy.

But that was then and this is now. George Light and his son are both gone, A-Rod and his money are here.

Hmmm … I think I just answered my own question about dishonor.

Testing our credulity

So.

Lance Armstrong in his comeback to cycling will not be subject to an independent drug-testing program, after all.

Anti-doping expert Don Catlin, who was to test Armstrong and post the results online, told The Associated Press that “after months of negotiations, both sides realized the program wasn't workable this year.”

Armstrong, long the subject of drug rumors despite never testing positive, still will be subject to testing by UCI, cycling's international body, and the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency.

In November, Armstrong got upset at an AP report that said the drug-test Web site he promised when he announced his return was nonexistent.

"It's a tough thing to organize,” he said at the time, “but we'll make it happen.”

I guess not.

Two things:

1) Before he made such a grandiose promise — which was done simply to boost his credibility as a clean athlete — he and Catlin should have nailed down the details.

2) I’m thinking that Greg LeMond and others who’ve suspected Armstrong of cheating will not express surprise that the extra scrutiny won’t actually be happening.

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/cycling/news/story?id=3900247

Et tu, A-Rod?

So.

Alex Rodriguez joins the list of baseball stars linked to performance-enhancing substances — in this case, the anabolic steroid Primobolan.

The Sports Illustrated story breaking the news is relying on two anonymous sources with access to results from Major League Baseball’s famous (or infamous, depending on your point of view) 2003 urine tests, taken to determine is the league truly had a steroid problem.

In case you missed it, it turns out it did.

With Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa all tainted for one reason or another, A-Rod was baseball’s shining knight — the clean bopper who would come along and eventually erase Bonds’ career home-run record, making the mark hallowed once again.

Guess not.

Of course, it’s possible a mistake has been made and Rodriguez is getting a bad rap. He could always deny taking ’roids, claim the story is dead wrong. Asked about the report, Rodriguez replied, “You have to talk to the union. I’m not saying anything.”

Sorry, Alex. I believe you just did.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/08/sports/baseball/08arod.html?hp

Baby, we were born to fade

Bruce Springsteen’s little gig on Super Bowl Sunday got a few favorable reviews, which made me wonder what in the world some people were watching.

Springsteen’s 58 years old and looked every day of it despite all of the effort expended jumping on the piano, sliding into a camera, and whatever he was doing with his guitar. But worse than how he looked was how he sounded.

Not trusting his aging pipes, Springsteen on a few key notes didn’t throw a Hail Mary — to borrow his revamped phraseology for “Glory Days” — but settled instead for a dump-off pass.

At one point my wife opined, “The only thing that could save this set is a wardrobe malfunction.” She also noted that Steve Van Zandt “is starting to look like Mama Cass.” (hmmm … maybe Andrea Shapiro should be writing this blog.)

Sadder than the Boss and the E-Street Band were the fools who provided the scenery — the adoring crowd, who had to endure two days of rehearsal in order to be used as props. And no, they didn’t get paid. And, no, they didn’t get to watch the game. And, no, they couldn’t hear a darned thing.

And yes, as they pumped their fists with faux enthusiasm, they looked pretty pathetic.

For the view of what it was like on the field, see Rick O’Reilly’s ESPN piece (link below).

In the publicity run-up to the event, Springsteen told reporters, “We’re a bunch of old soldiers, but the band is still burning.”

Uh … no.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3883771

Do you trust this man?

I always liked Joe Torre. He seemed like a gentleman; now he seems like just another grasper.

Worried that history will focus on George Steinbrenner’s spending habits, he wants to make sure people to give him credit for the four World Series titles the Yankees won from 1996 to 2000.

Joe, we get it; we always did. We knew your situation — standing between the old man and your players — was a tough one, and that you handled it with intelligence, class and as much dignity as was possible. You didn’t need to write a book to tell us.

You certainly didn’t need to write a book in which you spilled clubhouse secrets, in which you said Alex Rodriguez was called “A-Fraud,” in which you ripped Carl Pavano, Kevin Brown, David Wells, even Carlos Beltrán — who didn’t even play for you.

And your disingenuousness now that the book is out, insisting you were just a source for Tom Verducci, whose name is also on the book jacket, isn’t helping your fading image.

I bet your young Dodger players — you know, one of those to whom you preached that what happens in the clubhouse should stay in the clubhouse — view you a lot differently today than a couple of weeks ago. I know I do.

Friday column: Three pleas, six points

Michael Phelps wants to be treated like any other 23-year-old.

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said after a photo emerged showing him taking a bong hit at a college party.

“I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Three points:

1) Your garden-variety 23-year-old doesn’t make millions of dollars in endorsements. Now, to be sure, Michael, the $100 million your agent said you could earn in your lifetime would be due to your gold medals, not your wholesome lifestyle. But make no mistake: Your sponsors are not paying you to advertise illegal drugs.

2) Twenty-three may be young — but it ain’t 16, either.

3) Your promise that this will not happen again is nice, except you basically promised the same thing after you were arrested on drunken-driving charges at age 19. Adding to the mix is a recent quote from an anonymous party-goer who said that Phelps was “out of control from the moment he got there.”

* * *

Roger Clemens is concerned about credibility.

This in the wake of a Washington Post story that states, “Scientific tests have linked Roger Clemens’ DNA to blood in syringes that a personal trainer says he used to inject the former star pitcher with performance-enhancing drugs, according to two sources familiar with the investigation.”

Clemens, through lawyer Rusty Hardin, is attacking anew the trustworthiness of Brian McNamee, claiming “I would be dumbfounded if any responsible person ever found this to be reliable or credible evidence in any way.”

Two points:

1) After Hardin’s thus-far dismal performance as Clemens’ attorney, I wouldn’t put great stock in his opinion.

2) After his disastrous appearance at a 2008 congressional hearing, the only person Clemens could best in a credibility contest right now is Bernie Madoff.

* * *

Barry Bonds is worried about fairness.

Bonds, though his attorneys, wants evidence showing he used performance-enhancing drugs in 2000, 2001 and 2003 tossed out of his upcoming perjury trial. His lawyers also asked that information about positive drug tests not be released to the public as it could, they said, hinder Bonds’ ability to get a fair trial.

One point: Bonds is one of the biggest cheaters (you can take that in two senses) in the history of the game, and now he’s concerned about “fairness”? Quick, somebody, an irony-meter!

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

On top of his game

You just have to love Mike Tomlin.

Bright. Organized. Driven.

His response to the question of whether the Steelers would repeat as Super Bowl champs was brilliant.

“We’re not attempting to repeat,” he said, going on to explain, “That special group of men in that locker room after the game last night is gone forever: it will be a new 53 men. A lot of the faces will be the same, but nothing stays the same in this game. The roles will change. Some will ascend, some will descend.”

By his comments, Tomlin immediately did two things: He took pressure of his next team to “repeat;” he also told his next team there’s no resting on the Super Bowl laurels of the 2008 team.

The Pittsburgh coach is young — 36 — but he is One Smart Cookie.

Who vetted this guy? Obama’s transition team?

Diving into non-sports waters …

As a high-church Episcopalian, or Anglo-Catholic — and an orthodox one at that — I rather like this Roman Catholic pontiff. But to borrow a phrase from the film The Right Stuff, Benedict XVI has screwed the pooch.

To reinstate the excommunicated Bishop Richard Williamson, who has denied the existence of the Nazi gas chambers, is a stupendous blunder. To do it without previously getting him to recant makes one wonder if the pope has lost a few miles per hour off his fastball (there’s your sports reference).

Did the Vatican, which under Benedict and the previous pontiff had reached out to the Jewish people, really think Williamson’s reinstatement — and his comments — would go unnoticed? The pope’s decision has been hammered in Israel, as one would expect, but also in Germany, and it’s pressure from Benedict’s homeland that Wednesday apparently forced him to call for Williamson to recant.

Talk about a day late and a Deutsche Mark short.

Coming at it does under pressure, the pope’s request looks insincere. If it comes, a Williamson recantation under public pressure won’t be believed. And if Williamson refuses, he gets to play the martyr to, well … whatever cause he thinks he’s serving.

The Vatican claims Benedict didn’t know about Williamson’s views on the Holocaust when he lifted the excommunication, but Williamson repeated his views in an interview just last month. To use Casey Stengel’s favorite phrase — there’s your second sports reference — you could look it up.

Today’s New York Times article:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/world/europe/05pope.html?hp

Williamson’s interview:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6C9BuXe2RM