Thanks, Barry … I think

Speaking of having your image helped, does Mark McGwire really want to be praised by Barry Bonds?

"I have a really good friendship with Mark McGwire and I'm proud of him," Bonds told reporters recently.

According to the book Game of Shadows, it was Bonds’ envy of McGwire’s steroid-fueled performances — and the attendant accolades — that led the Giants star to begin injecting himself with everything from designer steroids to a 'roid created to improve the muscle quality of cattle.

McGwire, back in the game as hitting coach for the St. Louis Cardinals, called Bonds’ comment, “very cool.” I wouldn’t, but then I don’t live in Bonds and McGwire’s obviously irony-free world.

Friday column: In the long run, is the money enough?

Who steals my purse steals trash; ’t is something, nothing;
’T was mine, ’t is his, and has been slave to thousands;
But he that filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him
And makes me poor indeed.
— from Othello

The outgoing head of baseball’s player union was all about the purse; not its filching — its filling, and fill it he did.

Under Donald Fehr’s leadership, the average major league salary grew from $293,000 to $2.9 million. So, too, grew players’ power and perks.

All this is fine. What worker doesn’t want more money and more control over his environment? Baseball players, who for decades had been abused by management, had to battle owners hard for fair compensation and basic rights. In this, they were more than well served by Fehr.

Fehr’s never-give-an-inch mentality and his focus on improving the financial well-being of the players helped baseball’s union become the envy of professional athletes everywhere. His tooth-and-nail fight against drug testing has to be seen largely in the light of taking care of the players’ pocketbooks: Steroids meant greater performances, and greater performances meant more money.

But that mind-set came with costs.

The vast number of major league steroid users from the “glory days” remain anonymous, which means determining the effects of the illegal performing-enhancing drugs on their aging bodies will be difficult to impossible. But as steroid use can lead to liver tumors and cancer, high blood pressure, heart attack and stroke, there’s no question Fehr, the union and all of baseball put players’ long-term health at risk for financial gain.

Fehr’s long resistance to drug testing came with another price, one easier to gauge.

This year, Mark McGwire, a man with 583 home runs, received 21.9 percent of the votes for the Hall of Fame. Needed for election: 75 percent.

Monday, the Oakland A’s began to honor their 1989 world champion team by giving away replicas of McGwire’s jersey. But the former slugger, who was invited to throw out the first pitch, wasn’t on hand. It seems that even in Oakland he won’t risk being booed, or being hounded by reporters. He might as well be in the witness-protection program.

Ask McGwire today if he would like his reputation back. For that matter, ask Alex Rodriguez or Barry Bonds. Ask Roger Clemens or Raphael Palmeiro. I’m guessing that if they had it to do all over again, they’d take less green in exchange for a good name.

Fehr didn’t make anyone take steroids, but he made it easier for players to do. As Fehr retires, and his legacy is discussed, I’m thinking he, too, would like a do-over with the drug era.

For his name’s sake.

Friday column: Lies? Bet the House on it

So.

Outfielder Manny Ramirez tested positive for banned substances because his doctor prescribed something for a “personal health issue.”

And NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfield came up dirty because “the combination of a prescribed medicine and an over-the-counter medicine reacted together and resulted in a positive drug test.”

Even Louis Caldera — the Ground Zero Fly-by Guy — has a prescription-related excuse for his boo-boo: The suddenly former head of the White House Military Office told The Associated Press he was suffering from severe muscle aches and had been prescribed pain medication.

They say that hypocrisy is the tribute vice pays to virtue; if so, those are about the only props virtue is getting these days.

What’s that line uttered by House’s Hugh Laurie? Everybody lies. Let’s update it. Everybody cheats, then lies. No, you’re right — sometimes they lie, then cheat, then lie some more.

Here’s one way athletes lie: “I made a mistake.”

Let’s be clear: When a copy editor misspells a word in 72-point type, that’s a mistake. When an athlete uses steroids or human growth hormone, that’s cheating. Mistake and cheating are not synonymous.

Neither are team and fan, though you wouldn’t know it by the way some jock devotees stick with their favorites through thick and trick — like the Dodgers fans who don’t appear to have a problem with Manny being Manny, even when that turns out to mean Manny being Barry.

Many of the same fans who excoriated the Giants for keeping Barry Bonds — Mr. Steroid — on the payroll, are making excuses for Ramirez — Mr. Female Fertility Drug.

Fans have been known to accuse athletes of being self-absorbed at the expense of the game, saying that for certain athletes, “It’s all about me.” Well, sports fans, guess what? When you support a player like Ramirez or Bonds or A-Rod (or just fill in the cheat), because they help your team win and elevate your little ego, you, too, are saying, “It’s all about me.”

Staying with hypocrisy (a rill that never runs dry), we also have the various enablers — agents, lawyers, flacks — who make a living promoting lies, like so many dung beetles pushing excrement. Where would our heroes be without their sage advice?

In his first — and so far only — public statement, Ramirez followed his lame excuse by saying he’d “been advised not to say anything more for now.” I completely understand. After all, how’s Manny going to know what to say next until Scott Boras has crafted the requisite talking points? It takes time to mold excreta into just the right shape.

Speaking of guano, Mayfield — after trying to float his verbal lead balloon — told the press, “My doctor and I are working with ... NASCAR to resolve this matter.”

I’m sure he’ll get back to us very soon.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Et tu, A-Rod?

So.

Alex Rodriguez joins the list of baseball stars linked to performance-enhancing substances — in this case, the anabolic steroid Primobolan.

The Sports Illustrated story breaking the news is relying on two anonymous sources with access to results from Major League Baseball’s famous (or infamous, depending on your point of view) 2003 urine tests, taken to determine is the league truly had a steroid problem.

In case you missed it, it turns out it did.

With Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa all tainted for one reason or another, A-Rod was baseball’s shining knight — the clean bopper who would come along and eventually erase Bonds’ career home-run record, making the mark hallowed once again.

Guess not.

Of course, it’s possible a mistake has been made and Rodriguez is getting a bad rap. He could always deny taking ’roids, claim the story is dead wrong. Asked about the report, Rodriguez replied, “You have to talk to the union. I’m not saying anything.”

Sorry, Alex. I believe you just did.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/08/sports/baseball/08arod.html?hp

Friday column: Three pleas, six points

Michael Phelps wants to be treated like any other 23-year-old.

“I engaged in behavior which was regrettable and demonstrated bad judgment,” Phelps said after a photo emerged showing him taking a bong hit at a college party.

“I’m 23 years old and despite the successes I’ve had in the pool, I acted in a youthful and inappropriate way, not in a manner people have come to expect from me. For this, I am sorry. I promise my fans and the public it will not happen again.”

Three points:

1) Your garden-variety 23-year-old doesn’t make millions of dollars in endorsements. Now, to be sure, Michael, the $100 million your agent said you could earn in your lifetime would be due to your gold medals, not your wholesome lifestyle. But make no mistake: Your sponsors are not paying you to advertise illegal drugs.

2) Twenty-three may be young — but it ain’t 16, either.

3) Your promise that this will not happen again is nice, except you basically promised the same thing after you were arrested on drunken-driving charges at age 19. Adding to the mix is a recent quote from an anonymous party-goer who said that Phelps was “out of control from the moment he got there.”

* * *

Roger Clemens is concerned about credibility.

This in the wake of a Washington Post story that states, “Scientific tests have linked Roger Clemens’ DNA to blood in syringes that a personal trainer says he used to inject the former star pitcher with performance-enhancing drugs, according to two sources familiar with the investigation.”

Clemens, through lawyer Rusty Hardin, is attacking anew the trustworthiness of Brian McNamee, claiming “I would be dumbfounded if any responsible person ever found this to be reliable or credible evidence in any way.”

Two points:

1) After Hardin’s thus-far dismal performance as Clemens’ attorney, I wouldn’t put great stock in his opinion.

2) After his disastrous appearance at a 2008 congressional hearing, the only person Clemens could best in a credibility contest right now is Bernie Madoff.

* * *

Barry Bonds is worried about fairness.

Bonds, though his attorneys, wants evidence showing he used performance-enhancing drugs in 2000, 2001 and 2003 tossed out of his upcoming perjury trial. His lawyers also asked that information about positive drug tests not be released to the public as it could, they said, hinder Bonds’ ability to get a fair trial.

One point: Bonds is one of the biggest cheaters (you can take that in two senses) in the history of the game, and now he’s concerned about “fairness”? Quick, somebody, an irony-meter!

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Are things starting to close in on you, Barry?

Thursday was NOT a good day for Barry Bonds, facing an upcoming perjury trial in March.

First, a source claims prosecutors have urine samples they say proved Bonds used steroids other than those known as “the cream” and “the clear” — the ones Bonds reportedly indicated he thought were “flaxseed oil.”

Then it’s learned that former San Francisco teammate and known juice Bobby Estalella is expected to testify and provide significant information that Bonds knowingly took the illegal substances.

Bonds, especially after he bulked up and slowed down, hit into a few double plays in his time, but this one — if completed — won’t send him to the dugout but to the slammer.

It MUST be collusion

The major league players union is considering filing a grievance on behalf of Barry Bonds, still unemployed despite 28 home runs last year for San Francisco. The union can’t believe all 30 clubs would independently agree not to hire baseball’s biggest embarrassment since Pete Rose.

While granting Bonds’ still-impressive power, let’s see what other attributes he would bring to a contender:

A liability in the field? Check.

A prickly personality? Check.

A reputation as a clubhouse cancer? Check.

An indictment on perjury charges? Check.

Gee, why wouldn’t anybody want this guy?

http://www.latimes.com/sports/baseball/mlb/la-spw-bonds25-2008jul25,0,5143016.story

And take care of the poor in his gated community

A story on the Yankees at least discussing the possibility of signing Barry Bonds noted that Bonds' agent had said the slugger was willing to play for a prorated share of the big league's $390,000 minimum salary "and donate his salary to buy tickets for kids."

For a chance to pad his home run totals, Bonds is also willing to dress in public as Mother Theresa ...