Friday column: Any way you spell it, all this is d-u-m-b

I usually spent my 480 or so words each Friday hammering athletes for doltish behavior, but sometimes teams themselves do things that are just too dim-witted to ignore.

So, I’ll pass on NFL wide receiver wannabes Percy Harvin and Brandon Tate having possibly cost themselves millions by testing positive for pot at February’s NFL scouting combine (I don’t know that’s why they call it dope — but it certainly fits) and concentrate on recent actions by the Washington Nationals and the Detroit Lions.
Let’s start with the Nats.

Outfielder Elijah Dukes has found his way into this column before — let’s just say he has a history of anger issues that are compounded by, well, paternity issues. His arrest record (at least three times for battery and once for assault) impelled Tampa Bay to give up on his prodigious talent and send him packing to Washington.

In D.C., he’s done better — on field and off, but now he’s in trouble again. His offense? Showing up five minutes later than expected for a recent game.

So what was Dukes doing that caused him to be late? Was he involved in a scrap? Was he wooing a new inamorata? No. He was giving his woeful team some badly needed positive PR by signing autographs for Little Leaguers.

The Nats immediately turned the good PR into terrible PR by publicly disciplining Dukes with a benching and a $500 fine, a fine the Little League is raising money to pay — making the Little Leaguers look noble, Dukes look like a victim, and the Nats look like buffoons.

Despite what you might think, buffoon is not a registered trademark of the Detroit Lions, but it certainly could be.

Creators of the first team in NFL history to go 0-16, Detroit front-office types took a bold step this week to reverse the club’s fortunes — they redesigned its logo.

According to the Associated Press account, “The leaping lion appears more fierce, while the team name features an italicized slant.”

Now that should scare the competition.

At a news conference to announce these momentous developments — yes, they actually called a news conference — the team said the changes were consistent with its “sense of mission and direction.”

The only way the new logo truly could be consistent with the team’s direction is if the new Lion were depicted vertically and, yes, head down.

Back to the Nats.

The day before the Duke debacle, two players took the field with uniforms that misspelled the team name on the front.

Now, it’s true the Nats don’t make their own uniforms, so they can’t be blamed for that. But it’s also true it took all the team’s stretching time, warm-up time, batting practice, and three full innings for anyone to notice.

Perhaps that level of attention to detail helps explain that the team with the worst record in baseball is, indeed, the “Natinals.”

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.