Friday column: These responses are sorry, indeed

You can’t spend much time observing professional athletes without developing an appreciation for the nuances of their apologies and explanations.

Three related but different varieties were on display in recent days, including Pittsburgh receiver Santonio Holmes’ classic ’Nuff Said.

In this version, an athlete does apologize — here, for a marijuana arrest that cost his team his services in a big game — but tries to slam the door on further inquiry.

“I would like to apologize to my teammates, the Steelers organization, my family and the fans for my actions that caused me to miss Sunday’s game,” Holmes said in a statement issued by the team. “I recognize that I made a mistake and understand the significance of my actions, and will not make any excuse for my behavior.”

Then Holmes said he wouldn’t answer questions on the matter for the rest of the season.
Holmes didn’t say whether he’d entertain queries about his previous two arrests, one for alleged domestic violence and the other for alleged disorderly conduct. I’m guessing the answer is no.

Another classic seen this week is Isiah Thomas’ Hey, It Wasn’t Me.

Thomas, a former star player for the Detroit Pistons but most recently a horrendous bust as a New York Knicks coach and general manager, was taken to a hospital in the early hours of Oct. 24 after overdosing on sleeping pills.

Instead of either admitting he was distraught or explaining the overdose was accidental, the 47-year-old Thomas called a newspaper to claim it was his 17-year-old daughter who was hauled to the hospital, and he even got his son to peddle the same story to another paper.

Unfortunately, Thomas hadn’t run the tactic past Harrison, N.Y., Police Chief David Hall, whose men responded to the 911 call. “As parents, you try to protect your kids; you don’t say they did something when it was you who did it,” Hall said. “We know the difference between a 47-year-old man and a teenager.”

And we know the difference between a true apology and one that ends with a note of self-congratulation, which brings us to Donta Ellis’ version of Call Me, uh, Responsible?

Ellis, a budding NBA star for Golden State, violated his new $66 million contract — and seriously messed up his ankle — by riding and crashing a moped. He then made things worse by telling the Warriors he was injured in a pickup basketball game.

When the truth came out, the team suspended him for 30 games — the injury will keep him out of action that long anyway — costing Ellis $3 million in salary.

On Tuesday, Ellis finally got around to apologizing — through his agent, of course — saying, “I want to be clear that my injury is based on my mistake in judgment. And I always accept responsibility for my actions.”

Sure you do — right after you’re caught in a lie.