Bye-bye, Brett (I wish)

Brett. Brett. Brett.

He can’t help himself. I know. Still, it’s unseemly for Brett Favre to be damning his Green Bay successor with faint praise.

In case you missed it, Favre said he wasn't surprised Aaron Rodgers won this year’s Super Bowl, adding “the biggest surprise to me would be that he didn't do it sooner” and that Rodgers “just kind of fell into a good situation.”

Of course, Brett, one of the reasons Rodgers didn’t “do it sooner” was that you wouldn’t leave the stage.

On the other hand, now that I consider it, Rodgers won a Super Bowl in his third year as a starter. You, Brett, won a Super Bowl in your fifth year as a starter.

Rodgers being Rodgers, he deftly deflected Favre’s implied criticism.

“I'm just going to say that I was really proud of our team," Rodgers said. "It takes 53 guys to win a championship and we had the right recipe last year and we're trying to do the same thing this season.”

Ultimately, Rodgers may have more success than Favre. Or me may not. But the question of who has more class is already decided.

Friday column: When it’s hot off the synapses, watch out

This week — for some reason — I’ve been contemplating the drawbacks to all things instantaneous, and a line from Macbeth comes to mind. At one point in the play, having decided he’s been a tad too reflective, Macbeth says, “From this moment/The very firstlings of my heart shall be/The firstlings of my hand.”

In other words, “If I think it, I should do it — now!”

As I recall, that approach doesn’t work out all that well for the king.

Why?

Nothing “instant” is good.

Not instant oatmeal, not instant coffee, not instant mashed potatoes.

Not instant messaging. Not instant photos. Certainly not instant messaging combined with instant photos.

Take Anthony Weiner.

Actually, don’t take Weiner. Take another New York congressman, from another era, a politician with similar … urges, say.

Roscoe Conkling will do.

In 1860, Conkling, like Weiner, was a politician on the rise. Like Weiner, he was married but had a wandering eye. Now, imagine Roscoe getting a letter from a female admirer from Texas telling him that he was “hottt” (or the 19th-century equivalent).

Now imagine Roscoe entering the studio of Matthew Brady and asking the famed photographer to take a daguerreotype of him — as quickly as possible. A Pony Express rider is leaving for the Lone Star State in just a few hours.

“You’re in luck, Congressman. I just had a cancellation. Sit right down. Is this a head shot or full-body?”

“Actually, I’d like you to make an image of my … ”

“Yes … ”

“An image of … ”

“Yes?”

“Never mind.”

Even if Roscoe had somehow gotten his desired photo, he’d still have to package it, address it, and hand it to the Pony Express rider, having in each step a moment to reflect if really — deep down — he continued to think this was all such a good idea.

No such moments of possible reflection for Anthony Weiner. Snap, attach and send. Bim. Bam. Boom.

(Especially Boom.)

In the world of sis-boom-bah, any number of sports stars have experienced the pain of TWiTing (Tweeting Without Thinking). Brett Favre, amateur photographer, knows all about it. So does political philosopher Rashard Mendenhall, to name just two.

And so do sports columnists, most notably The Washington Post’s Mike Wise, suspended for a month last year after fabricating and tweeting a “scoop” on Pittsburgh’s Ben Roethlisberger.

(Must have seemed like a good idea at the time.)

Still, more and more journalists are tweeting these days and actually have followers.

So, you ask, when will The Anti-Fan open a Twitter account and start letting fly with unedited thoughts?

Not. Going. To. Happen.

Why?

Nothing instant is good.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Friday column: What was 2010 about? Take a guess

So, Boss, you say you want a quick review of Toyland in 2010? Can do:

Sex.

Money.

Ego.

There you go, Boss; now I’ll start on next Friday’s col — … what’s that? You need more? You want it fleshed out, so to speak? Really?

OK.

Well, for sex we have Tiger Woods, whose addiction to the amorous cost him his reputation, his wife and his game — in that order.

We have Lawrence Taylor, whose attempted tryst with an underage paramour — the entrepreneurial kind — has cost him his reputation (what was left of it) and oodles of green. It also may cost him his freedom.

We have French soccer stars Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema, who’ve been charged with soliciting an underage prostitute (I’m sensing a theme here).

That’s just the tip of the iceberg, sex-wise. As for money, where do we start? Or end? Let me give you just one story — two, actually, that are linked by — what else? — dollars.

In June, the NCAA fell like a ton of bricks on Southern Cal because Reggie Bush’s family took hundreds of thousands of dollars in freebies in his Trojan days. In December, the NCAA admitted Cam Newton’s father did everything to shop his son except list him on eBay — but still it allowed the star quarterback to continue playing for Auburn, maintaining there was no reason to think the son was in on the deal.

The real difference between the two cases? Bush’s college career is over, while Newton still has money to make for his school, his conference and the BCS. The NCAA pulling the plug on the Heisman Trophy winner before Jan. 10’s national title game would cost the BCS and its sponsors a bundle.

Wasn’t. Going. To. Happen.

By the way, Boss, there were some nice stories this year.
We had Detroit’s Andres Galarraga showing amazing self-control and sportsmanship when an ump’s blown call cost him a perfect game and a ticket to Cooperstown. We had Santa Fe Little Leaguers accepting sure defeat rather than have their team broken up. We had Grant Desme, a young Oakland prospect, giving up a promising baseball career to pursue the priesthood.

What’s that? Forget the sweetness and light and give you the ego angle?

I can do that in two syllables: Brett Favre.

Favre began his last ride (please, Lord) on the Ego Train by making Vikings teammates trek to Mississippi to beg him to play. Then he squeezed the team for more millions. Finally, he embarrassed the NFL — if that’s possible — by stonewalling an investigation into charges he sexually harassed a twenty-something Jets employee.

What? That’s more than just ego? Right you are, Boss. With just one player in one sport, you have the essence of Toyland in 2010:

Sex.

Money.

Ego.

Like I said.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Yes, Bret, we know you're special ...

In Minnesota, Vikings quarterback Brett Favre spent some time after possibly his last NFL appearance patting himself on the back: “It's been a 20-year career; not too many guys can say that. I took one day off and a half, but again not a lot of guys can say that.”

Oddly enough, he didn’t add, “And I sexually harassed a sideline reporter.” He probably didn’t add that because he couldn’t — not with a straight face — finish with, “not a lot of guys have done that.”

Friday column: Two egos in perfect harmony

I’ve been cheated. Been mistreated. When will I be loved?

The Everly Brothers sang those words first in 1960. Linda Ronstadt sang them in 1975. I always thought Ronstadt’s cover superior. I can still hear that amazing voice:

When will I be-eeee … lov uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-ved?

I doubt anyone will ever do it better.

Except possibly Bret Favre.

And maybe LeBron James.

Now, I don’t know if either can sing a note. But that wouldn’t matter. They would bring such depth of feeling to the words, such gut-wrenching pathos to the rendition. I’m thinking platinum. First week. Easy.

Favre, of course, is back with Minnesota after the Vikings successfully courted the 40-year-old passer. Not that it was a simple affair.

They not only offered Favre a $3.5 million raise on his $13 million salary — with another $3.5 million in incentives thrown in — they also dispatched head coach Brad Childress to Hattiesburg, Miss., on bended knee.

When that didn’t elicit a “Yes, Brad,” they sent three of Favre’s teammates to ply the Vikings’ troth.

One of them, Steve Hutchinson, recalled the wooing this way: “ ‘The guys on this team want you here. Everybody wants you here.’ Basically that’s what we told him.”

Finally, in the backyard of Favre’s mansion, assured of the Vikings’ undying affection, the quarterback brought out the grill, slapped on the steaks, and the four bonded over beef and guy talk. At long last, love!

Listen to the words of Ryan Longwell, another of Favre’s suitors. Instead of being chagrined at being sent to beg Favre to play, the punter positively gushed. The quarterback, he said, “loves the guys in the locker room” and “is doing it for all of us.”

Cue the violins and hand me a hanky — but keep one in reserve for James, who, as it turns out, in Cleveland was looking for love in all the wrong places.

Yes, it’s true that Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert offered “The Chosen One” the moon to stay with the team, but it turns out he really only cared about James’ talent, not James himself (sniff).

“I don’t think he ever cared about LeBron,” James told GQ, giving himself the famous-athlete-celebrity-third-person treatment, undoubtedly to lessen the sting of rejection.

What about the Cleveland fans? Didn’t they love “The King,” for who he was?

No. They merely took him for granted.

“I love our fans,” he said. “Cleveland fans are awesome. But I mean, even my family gets spoiled at times watching me doing things that I do, on and off the court.”

Still, all’s well that ends well. Favre is beloved in Minnesota, James is adored now in Miami. Of course, next year about this time, after a critical interception ends the Vikings’ season and after the Heat fail to win a ring, doubts will creep into the superstars’ fragile psyches once again.

When that happens, may I suggest a duet.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Say it IS so, Brett; say it IS so ...

Word is that Brett Favre, in an unusual moment of clear-headedness, has decided to stay retired and not join the Vikings in pursuit of a one-man jihad against the Green Bay Packers.

According to news reports, Favre told Minnesota coach Brad Childress he will remain retired, a source close to the team told Yahoo! Sports. The Yahoo! story said that Favre told Childress of his decision in a phone call, and that he could "publicly explain his decision soon."

Personally, I don’t really want to hear Favre explain; I just want to hear Favre say it’s true.

Not that I'd necessarily believe him ...

To return or not to return ...

The last act of Brett Favre’s Hamlet didn’t play so well in Green Bay, and a repeat performance in the coming months isn’t likely to draw rave reviews in New York, either.

Favre’s indecision last off-season on whether to return to Green Bay, his subsequent footsie-playing with Minnesota, and his pouting and posturing even turned off die-hard Packers fans — and his eventual trade to the Jets was seen by many as more relief than tragedy.

Hailed as “savior” in New York, Favre played relatively well the first 11 games of the season, but his dismal play the final five games (nine interceptions and just two touchdown passes) helped cost the Jets the playoff, cost Eric Mangini his job, and cost Favre whatever locker room affection he had earned in the Big Apple.

Favre’s play was knocked this week by running back Thomas Jones, and an anonymous Jet ripped his attitude, calling him a “distant” teammate who spent a lot of time away from the other players — in an office especially designed for him.

As for his return next season, safety Kerry Rhodes said,
"If he's dedicated and he wants to come back and do this, and do it the right way ... and be here when we're here in training camp and the minicamps and working out with us ... then I'm fine with it," Rhodes said. "But don't come back if it's going to be half-hearted or he doesn't want to put the time in with us."
To return or not to return …

http://images.todaystmj4.com/images/favre%20cries%20at%20presser.jpg

The last act of Brett Favre’s Hamlet didn’t play so well in Green Bay, and a repeat performance in the coming months isn’t likely to draw rave reviews in New York, either.

Favre’s indecision last off-season on whether to return to Green Bay, his subsequent footsie-playing with Minnesota, and his pouting and posturing even turned off die-hard Packers fans — and his eventual trade to the Jets was seen by many as more relief than tragedy.

Hailed as “savior” in New York, Favre played relatively well the first 11 games of the season, but his dismal play the final five games (nine interceptions and just two touchdown passes) helped cost the Jets the playoff, cost Eric Mangini his job, and cost Favre whatever locker room affection he had earned in the Big Apple.

Favre’s play was knocked this week by running back Thomas Jones, and an anonymous Jet ripped his attitude, calling him a “distant” teammate who spent a lot of time away from the other players — in an office especially designed for him.

As for his return next season, safety Kerry Rhodes said,"If he's dedicated and he wants to come back and do this, and do it the right way ... and be here when we're here in training camp and the minicamps and working out with us ... then I'm fine with it," Rhodes said. "But don't come back if it's going to be half-hearted or he doesn't want to put the time in with us."

How to screw up your legacy — the Brett Favre way

First, play the diva for several off-seasons and hold your team — and their fans — hostage to your whims.

Second, after you’ve finally retired, tell bald-faced lies when the itch to play again proves too much for you.

Third, give no verbal support at all to the young man tapped to replace you, even though for three years he’s been nothing but a loyal to you.

Fourth, after you’re traded elsewhere, try to hurt your old team — and their fans — by calling up one of your old team’s opponents and spilling club secrets.

The first three items are documented facts; the fourth is alleged in a report by FoxSports.Com’s Jay Glazer, who says the former Green Bay quarterback, now with the Jets, called the Detroit staff to dish all he knew about the Packers offense before that team played the Lions.

A Lions executive denied the report but Lions coaches would only issue “no comment,” which is suspicious, at least. Favre denied it, but a few months back he also denied he was looking for a team to make a comeback with when, in fact, he was.

After being traded to the Jets, Favre admitted a desire to hurt the Packers, and this certainly would fit with that mind-set.

In any case, this is more reason to think that if Favre is expecting a statue outside Lambeau Field one day, he might have to wait a bit longer than he thought.

What's in a name? Well, flattery

Give Eric Mangini the Suck-up of the Year Award.

The Jets coach named his newborn Zack Brett Mangini after his new quarterback, Brett Favre.

The child was born Friday on Favre’s 39th birthday, but Mangini promised to use “Brett” as his middle name in the summer when he was trying to convince Favre to come to New York.

"That was locked and loaded in the negotiations," Mangini told The Associated Press, "but we couldn't have planned that if we wanted to. Pretty exciting."

Yeah. Pretty exciting. Wow.

The purpose of the name obviously was to flatter Favre, and obviously it worked.

"It is a pretty cool thing," the quarterback said.

Yeah. Cool.

Mangini’s first son’s middle name is Harrison, after New England safety Rodney Harrison. Another son has a middle name of William after Patriots coach Bill Belichick, for whom Mangini once worked.

"Well, the history behind that," Mangini said, "is all my kids have middle names that are related to people that have been important to me in my football career."

Wow. Neat.

I remember a time when kids were named for apostles or presidents or members of one's own family. But then I’m old. Very, very old.

Celling out?

First, there was a report from Bob McGinn of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel that a Green Bay source was saying Brett Favre not only made repeated calls to Minnesota offensive coordinator Darrell Bevell and head coach Brad Childress, but did so on a cell phone issued to him by the Packers.

If that were true, it would mean the Packers would receive the phone bills for Favre's calls, and would know precisely whom and when he reached out to touch someone — someone, say, from a Central Division rival.

And if that were true, of course, it would also mean:

1) Brett Favre is dumb as a box of rocks.

2) Brad Childress is as dumb as Brett Favre.

3) The Packers’ tampering charge against the Vikings is a slam dunk.

Now, however, The Green Bay Press-Gazette is reporting a Favre source is insisting the quarterback does NOT have a Packer-issued cell phone. "One hundred percent, without a doubt ..." the source said.

Ah, what to believe? For now, we can believe this: The NFL security staff visited the Vikings' facility Tuesday to investigate the tampering charge. And we can believe this: In a story this high-profile, eventually, truth will out.

Links: Story about McGinn's report:

http://ww3.startribune.com/vikingsblog/?p=1719

Green Bay Press-Gazette story:

http://www.greenbaypressgazette.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080723/PKR01/80723178/1058&referrer=NEWSFRONTCAROUSEL