I’ve been cheated. Been mistreated. When will I be loved?
The Everly Brothers sang those words first in 1960. Linda Ronstadt sang them in 1975. I always thought Ronstadt’s cover superior. I can still hear that amazing voice:
When will I be-eeee … lov uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-ved?
I doubt anyone will ever do it better.
Except possibly Bret Favre.
And maybe LeBron James.
Now, I don’t know if either can sing a note. But that wouldn’t matter. They would bring such depth of feeling to the words, such gut-wrenching pathos to the rendition. I’m thinking platinum. First week. Easy.
Favre, of course, is back with Minnesota after the Vikings successfully courted the 40-year-old passer. Not that it was a simple affair.
They not only offered Favre a $3.5 million raise on his $13 million salary — with another $3.5 million in incentives thrown in — they also dispatched head coach Brad Childress to Hattiesburg, Miss., on bended knee.
When that didn’t elicit a “Yes, Brad,” they sent three of Favre’s teammates to ply the Vikings’ troth.
One of them, Steve Hutchinson, recalled the wooing this way: “ ‘The guys on this team want you here. Everybody wants you here.’ Basically that’s what we told him.”
Finally, in the backyard of Favre’s mansion, assured of the Vikings’ undying affection, the quarterback brought out the grill, slapped on the steaks, and the four bonded over beef and guy talk. At long last, love!
Listen to the words of Ryan Longwell, another of Favre’s suitors. Instead of being chagrined at being sent to beg Favre to play, the punter positively gushed. The quarterback, he said, “loves the guys in the locker room” and “is doing it for all of us.”
Cue the violins and hand me a hanky — but keep one in reserve for James, who, as it turns out, in Cleveland was looking for love in all the wrong places.
Yes, it’s true that Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert offered “The Chosen One” the moon to stay with the team, but it turns out he really only cared about James’ talent, not James himself (sniff).
“I don’t think he ever cared about LeBron,” James told GQ, giving himself the famous-athlete-celebrity-third-person treatment, undoubtedly to lessen the sting of rejection.
What about the Cleveland fans? Didn’t they love “The King,” for who he was?
No. They merely took him for granted.
“I love our fans,” he said. “Cleveland fans are awesome. But I mean, even my family gets spoiled at times watching me doing things that I do, on and off the court.”
Still, all’s well that ends well. Favre is beloved in Minnesota, James is adored now in Miami. Of course, next year about this time, after a critical interception ends the Vikings’ season and after the Heat fail to win a ring, doubts will creep into the superstars’ fragile psyches once again.
When that happens, may I suggest a duet.
Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.
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