Man is said to be a rational animal, though one wonders in a world where New York City spends taxpayer dollars to teach people how to shoot heroin and a Saudi program tries to rehabilitate terrorists with art therapy.
Thank God for the world of sports, that bastion of sanity, where:
* The Washington Wizards’ Gilbert Arenas can store four handguns in his locker at the Verizon Center and justify this violation of NBA rules by stating he wanted the weapons out of his house because of the birth of his third child.
You were worried about the safety of your third child, Gilbert? What were your first two, chopped liver?
* Florida coach Urban Meyer can flat-out lie about his recent hospitalization for chest pains and claim he did so to protect his children and his football team.
What’s more dishonorable than using your kids as an excuse? I’m guessing, Urban, your lie was actually designed to keep your next batch of recruits from straying to other programs.
* Gilbert Arenas (yes, same fellow) can get into an argument over a gambling debt with Javaris Crittenton, bring out guns from his locker, tell his teammate to choose one, and explain it away by saying he has a “goofball” sense of humor.
Right — nothing funnier in the African American community than gun violence, Gilbert.
* After four of his players are arrested on gun, drug and alcohol charges, Tennessee men’s head basketball coach Bruce Pearl can tell women’s coach Pat Summitt he’s sorry “if” his team has tarnished the good image she’s worked hard to build.
Any apology with the word IF in it is worthless, Bruce.
* Urban Meyer (yup, same one) can resign one day, citing health concerns and the importance of being there for his family, then turn around and unresign, claiming his change was a family decision.
Using your family as a crutch for what YOU want to do is really getting old, Urban.
* University of Tennessee athletic director Mike Hamilton can sound as though the school is doing something about its problem athletes, saying he wants to “make sure we’re doing everything possible in the education process to make sure our student athletes understand exactly what our expectations are …”
You mean you have to EXPLAIN to your … um … student-athletes that your expectations don’t include them getting arrested for drugs, alcohol and firearms?
We’ll turn the floor over to one Alvin Jackson, a pitcher who had the misfortune to toil for the worst team in baseball history, the 1962 Mets. One day after five straight Mets errors, his manager — in order to spare his sanity — decided to relieve him, but neglected to inform him of that fact. As Jackson walked back to the mound to start the next inning, he heard the PA system blare, “Now pitching for the Mets … Ray Davialt!”
Jackson threw up his hands and yelled, “Everybody here crazy!”
Indeed.
Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.
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