Friday column: So ... so much to celebrate

So.

You’re Michael Vick.

You’ve gone away to prison for 19 months. You’ve lost tens of millions of dollars in income and fines and are tens of millions in debt. You recently were voted the most disliked man in sports.

You’re a pariah not only for your conviction on dogfighting charges but for your personal, hands-on role in the savage torturing and killing of innocent animals.

Your “conditional” reinstatement to the NFL is dependent upon your behavior, your true repentance and evidence that you finally “get it,” that you — you alone — ultimately are responsible for the unmitigated disaster that is your life.

So you …

… decide it’s time for Michael Vick Community Celebration day!

Yes, the good folks in Vick’s hometown of Newport News, Va., are cooking up a day to honor the life of one Michael Dwayne Vick — with Vick’s blessing.

Actually, it’s with more than his blessing.

“It was his idea,” John Eley, one of the organizers, told The Associated Press. “Vick wanted to give back to the community, like he always does.”

Vick wants to “give back to the community” by staging a celebration for himself?

Uh yeah, he definitely “gets it,” all right.

* * *

So.

You’re Dodgers owner Frank McCourt.

Your team went ahead with Manny Ramirez bobblehead night even though your left fielder had been suspended for 50 games for having taken a banned drug.

OK, you’re a business, and 50,000 dolls already had been ordered. I understand.

Then it’s revealed that your left fielder apparently was a steroid user back way back in 2003, thus bringing more embarrassment to your team.

So you …

... order up another 50,000 dolls for a second Manny bobblehead night!

Why not another night for you, Frank. You’re the real bobblehead.

* * *

So.

You’re Boston’s David Ortiz.

When news comes out that your name was on the list of players who tested positive for banned substances in 2003, you say, “You know me — I will not hide and I will not make excuses.”

So ...

... you hide and refuse to answer questions for more than a week!

Now you say you’re going to address the issue Saturday, so we’ll find out then about the not-making-excuses part. If you stonewall, may I suggest a bobblehead night for you? Or perhaps even a “David Ortiz Community Celebration”?

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.