You tell them, Coach ... I mean, Ex-Coach ...

A group of fans — some 200 or so — recently trotted over to Jim Tressel’s house to confess their undying love to the no-longer-employed football coach.

There were cheers and signs in support. Pictures were taken. Hands were shaken.

And the man of the hour himself addressed the throng, pointing to Ohio State’s next game with Michigan and saying, "Don't forget: Nov. 27th we're going to kick their ass!"

Because of what Tressel’s players have done, apparently for years, and because of his turning a blind eye to the infractions and then lying about them, OSU’s program is in free-fall.

And all he can come up with is, “We’re going to kick their ass!”

Good for you, Jimbo, good for you. Actually, the school that’s really getting kicked in the rear is Ohio State.

Class acts

I was going to write a nice column this week. Really.

A sweet uplifting paean to sportsmanship.

Then Anthony Weiner’s story imploded, I started thinking about Roscoe Conkling, the Thane of Cawdor, Folgers coffee crystals and all things instant, and well, goodbye sportsmanship.

But it’s still worth mentioning here.

Men's tennis has seen its share of bad boys: Ilie Nastase, John McEnroe, Jimmy Connors. et al. But its current crop of male stars — Rafael Nadal, Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic — is largely commendable.

In Sunday’s French Open final, Nadal conceded a point to Federer after a shot by the Swiss star was wrongly called out. Years ago, Federer gave Nadal a lift on his private jet to the next tournament after learning the Spaniard was having trouble finding a commercial flight. In his comments about Nadal and Federer, Djokovic has proven that he belongs with those two not only on court but off as well.

Nadal, Federer and Djokovic prove you can have a great rivalries, intense rivalries without those rivalries turning nasty.

GOOD for them.

We have your answer

So.

Sepp Blatter, potentate of what appears to be the most corrupt organization in all of sport — no small honor — wants to form a "commission of the wise" to help clean up FIFA, the world soccer governing body.

And for members he wants Henry Kissinger, Johan Cruyff and Plácido Domingo.

But Domingo has a question — no, not why is an aging opera singer asked to help clean up soccer? Another question: What might the duties of a member of such a commission entail?

Two letters, Placido: PR.

Friday column: When it’s hot off the synapses, watch out

This week — for some reason — I’ve been contemplating the drawbacks to all things instantaneous, and a line from Macbeth comes to mind. At one point in the play, having decided he’s been a tad too reflective, Macbeth says, “From this moment/The very firstlings of my heart shall be/The firstlings of my hand.”

In other words, “If I think it, I should do it — now!”

As I recall, that approach doesn’t work out all that well for the king.

Why?

Nothing “instant” is good.

Not instant oatmeal, not instant coffee, not instant mashed potatoes.

Not instant messaging. Not instant photos. Certainly not instant messaging combined with instant photos.

Take Anthony Weiner.

Actually, don’t take Weiner. Take another New York congressman, from another era, a politician with similar … urges, say.

Roscoe Conkling will do.

In 1860, Conkling, like Weiner, was a politician on the rise. Like Weiner, he was married but had a wandering eye. Now, imagine Roscoe getting a letter from a female admirer from Texas telling him that he was “hottt” (or the 19th-century equivalent).

Now imagine Roscoe entering the studio of Matthew Brady and asking the famed photographer to take a daguerreotype of him — as quickly as possible. A Pony Express rider is leaving for the Lone Star State in just a few hours.

“You’re in luck, Congressman. I just had a cancellation. Sit right down. Is this a head shot or full-body?”

“Actually, I’d like you to make an image of my … ”

“Yes … ”

“An image of … ”

“Yes?”

“Never mind.”

Even if Roscoe had somehow gotten his desired photo, he’d still have to package it, address it, and hand it to the Pony Express rider, having in each step a moment to reflect if really — deep down — he continued to think this was all such a good idea.

No such moments of possible reflection for Anthony Weiner. Snap, attach and send. Bim. Bam. Boom.

(Especially Boom.)

In the world of sis-boom-bah, any number of sports stars have experienced the pain of TWiTing (Tweeting Without Thinking). Brett Favre, amateur photographer, knows all about it. So does political philosopher Rashard Mendenhall, to name just two.

And so do sports columnists, most notably The Washington Post’s Mike Wise, suspended for a month last year after fabricating and tweeting a “scoop” on Pittsburgh’s Ben Roethlisberger.

(Must have seemed like a good idea at the time.)

Still, more and more journalists are tweeting these days and actually have followers.

So, you ask, when will The Anti-Fan open a Twitter account and start letting fly with unedited thoughts?

Not. Going. To. Happen.

Why?

Nothing instant is good.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Friday column: Gee’s joke may turn out to be prophetic

A Division I football coach has a single job requirement.

Win.

OK, there is a proviso — without embarrassing the university.

All right, there’s an addendum to the proviso — in a way that precludes plausible denial.

Jim Tressel fulfilled the first clause of the job description: a record of 106-22-0 and one national championship. He found the second clause a little harder to negotiate, but largely succeeded in spite of incidents involving Maurice Clarett and others.

It’s the addendum that finally got him.

The administrative stuffed shirts in Columbus who love to mouth platitudes about integrity and winning “the right way” loved Jim Tressel.

They loved the image he projected and they loved the title of the books he wrote (Life Promises for Success: Promises from God on Achieving Your Best). Most of all, they loved all the wins and all the green the wins generated.

They loved Tressel’s gravy train so much that they didn’t even mind being lied to. Remember the news conference following the revelation that Tressel had known about his players’ rules violations all along but had kept mum, deceiving both the NCAA and his bosses?

Remember school president Gordon Gee’s attempted witticism when asked if he had considered firing Tressel? “I just hope the coach doesn’t dismiss me,” the little man laughed.

Make no mistake: If the empty suits at OSU thought they could have ridden out the storm with Tressel, they would have. You don’t fire a coach who beats Michigan nine of 10 times unless you absolutely have to.

And when the muck gets deep enough that your jobs are in jeopardy, you absolutely have to.

In announcing Tressel’s departure, Gee barely mentioned his coach’s name — the first time in months, wrote ESPN’s Ivan Maisel, that Gee had spoken “publicly about Tressel without sounding like a tween gushing over Justin Bieber.”

As recently as two weeks ago, athletic director Gene Smith still supported Tressel. This week, Smith suddenly went from “You’re still our coach” to “Hate to see you go — here’s your hat.”

For that, we can thank Sports Illustrated, which demolished the last fig leaf Ohio State had: the idea that the five players suspended for trading memorabilia for tattoos and cash were involved in an isolated incident.

Five players and a coach cover-up, that’s one thing, albeit pretty bad. Sixty players? During eight years? Involving memorabilia, school property and possibly drugs? That’s quite another thing. Then there’s the other recent reports that as many as 50 Buckeyes got special deals on cars.

NCAA no likey.

The Buckeyes are going to get hammered and when they do — perhaps even before they do — expect a broom to sweep through Columbus. It will bring a touch of irony with it.

Gee joked about being dismissed by Tressel. When he leaves, that, in essence, will be what has happened. And Gee will have deserved his canning just as much as Tressel deserved his.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Wheels within wheels

The latest FIFA corruption scandal has increasingly interesting layers.

You not only have the organization looking at vote buying allegedly conducted by presidential candidate Mohamed bin Hammam, you have another probe into the actions of current president Sepp Blatter, who allegedly overlooked said bribes.

Why would he do that?

Well, two reasons come to mind: 1) Bribery is just business as usual for FIFA jefes and 2) if the bribes went forward, Blatter would have something he might be able to use against bin Hamman when it counted.

But, this is silly talk. Blatter's reputation is unimpeachable. Don't believe me? Well, I call Seth's main character witness, one Vladimir Putin. Yes, that Vladimir Putin, who calls allegations against Blatter "complete nonsense."

Putin was a major player in Russia's uh ... surprising ... winning of the 2018 World Cup (no money changed hands ... no money changed hands .., no money ...) and if the former KGB operator says it's nonsense, I'm sure you can, well, take it to the bank.

Driving takes nerve, reflexes. Brains? Maybe not

So.

Kyle Busch thinks he can go 128 mph in a 45 mph zone and not be noticed.

In a $400,000 Lexus.

A yellow, $400,000 Lexus.

Or at least he did until he was busted Thursday in Concord, N.C.

In his NASCAR races, Busch may move like a rocket but clearly, he's no rocket scientist.