Friday column: No class anywhere night of ‘Decision’

Let me start with this:

In his self-promotion and glory seeking, LeBron James — egged on by his suck-up entourage — has been shameless. Patience and a tall beverage wasn’t what was needed to get through The Decision. What was needed was a barf bag.

And his ego-fest the next day in Miami with new running buddies Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh might have been worse.

Wrote Israel Gutierrez of the Miami Herald:

“They giggled, danced and whooped while waiting to be raised onto the AmericanAirlines Arena platform, literally rising from the floor in a cloud of smoke before 10,000 of their most devoted, delighted and delirious fans.”

All that was missing was the public address announcer intoning: “And now, Miami, bow down to your new gods” — that and human sacrifice.

Now, if Dan Gilbert had been around …

But the thing about James is he’s all of 25, and from a very young age has been told that he’s the greatest thing since … well since never. He’s been told he’s the greatest thing. Period.

So, while one would hope that James would know better, there’s reason to see why he doesn’t.

The owner of the Cavs, on the other hand, is 48, and he definitely should know better. Gilbert’s written rant the night of The Decision read like a hastily penned screed from a pimply 16-year-old dumped by his first girlfriend.

(And no, Jesse Jackson, there’s really no reason to bring race into the issue but thanks for playing, just the same).

James had every right to make the move he made. And while his decision to keep his hometown team twisting in the wind was ill advised, he also had the right to do that. If Gilbert didn’t relish the prospect of being blindsided, he could have given James a deadline.

For that matter, if Gilbert really thought that James was an out-of-control narcissist, as he claimed in his letter, he could have given “The King” some boundaries while he was still a Cav. He could, for instance, have told James he wouldn’t put members of James’ entourage on the Cleveland payroll, told him his gang couldn’t ride with him on the team plane. Could have told him “no” once in a while.

If Gilbert really thought James had “quit” on the Cavs during the playoffs, as he alleged in his letter, he should have called him on it then.

I feel for the Cleveland fans who feel devastated and betrayed by James’ leaving for South Beach. But part of me also wants to say, “Get a life.” To Dan Gilbert, I want to say, “Grow a spine.”

There are a 1,001 ways LeBron James could handled his departure from Cleveland with more class. But the proper response to his actions was not to demonstrate even less class.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Now, THAT'S paying attention

Monday, the University of Georgia athletic director is forced to resign after an embarrassing drunken driving arrest.

Saturday — less than a week later — two University of Georgia football players, Dontavius Jackson and Tavarres King, are arrested on alcohol-related charges after being stopped about 3 a.m.

I’m guessing they were too busy hitting the books for summer school to notice the first incident.

Now, THAT'S teamwork

Something bad happened at a Knoxville bar in the early-morning hours last Friday. While the details aren’t clear and an investigation is ongoing, it does seem that a group of University of Tennessee football players were involved in a beating that sent two men to the hospital.

One of the men was Robert Capouellez, an off-duty police officer who was trying to break up the melee. He was knocked unconscious. The bar owner said he saw one of the football players kick at Capouellez after he was already lying on the ground unconscious.

Nice.

The other man, Gary Russell, said he also was both punched and kicked.

"If not for my friends jumping in, I would be dead or brain-dead," Russell told ESPN.com. "It was obvious that they weren't going to stop."

"One of them was holding my head up, and they were punching me in my face while I was on the ground and stomping on my chest," Russell said.

Ah, teamwork.

Head coach Derek Dooley said, in part, "I am disappointed and in many ways embarrassed by the poor judgment displayed on many fronts by several members of our football team last night."

Poor judgment? He’s disappointed in their poor judgment?

Gee, Coach, that’s harsh.

What it takes

Recommended reading: Greg Bishop’s New York Times article headed "The Cornerback and the Ex-Con" about the Green Bay Packers’ Al Harris’ long association with former convict Kevin Soto.

It’s a story about, among other things, the power of friendship. The story quotes Johnny Harris, Al’s father: “Al always believed in Kevin. Sometimes, that’s what it takes.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/11/sports/football/11harris.html

Textbook case of self-destruction

For screwing up a good gig, it’s hard to beat Damon Evans.

At the relatively young age of 40, the University of Georgia athletic director was successful, popular and well-paid — $550,000.

Then the married father of two starts drinking. Then he apparently begins an affair with a 28-year-old. Then he drives drunk. Then he tries to use his influence to avoid arrest. Then he refuses to resign. Then, under pressure, after more embarrassing details of his encounter with the cops emerge, finally he “resigns.”

Because he was successful putting winning teams on the field, Evans will get another gig. But it probably won’t be for $550,000.

More importantly, it will be a long time — if ever — before people look at Evans the way they did, oh, two weeks ago.

How to make a bad situation worse

The attempt to influence the Georgia state trooper bordered on pathetic.

The officer said that when he was pulled over, Evans, apparently still in the grip of whatever he had imbibed, was smiling and jocular.

The lasted until it was clear he would be arrested. At which point Evans said, "I am not trying to bribe you but I'm the athletic director of the University of Georgia.”

Evans asked to be let off with a warning, only to be told the trooper didn’t issue warnings for DUI.

Evans tried the influence card again: "I don't want to use who I am but I would just ask that you take me to a motel."

Now, I said Evans' attempt to get out of his predicament was borderline pathetic. The attempt by his 28-year-old … companion … to "help" him was all-the-way-drunken pathetic.

According to the cop, Courtney Fuhrmann was being "very loud and obnoxious and was obviously intoxicated." The police report said she repeatedly got out of the car, ignoring the trooper's instructions, leading to her arrest on a disorderly conduct charge.

The best — best as in most pathetic — line of the encounter was Fuhrmann’s:

"Just to let you know, (Evans’ arrest) will be erased because he is the athletic director of UGA and he has that power.”

I guess he doesn’t.

Biggest draft bust ever is busted

Speaking of messing up one’s life, I give you JaMarcus Russell.

The former No. 1 overall NFL draft pick — whose perceived lack of effort helped him fail miserably as Oakland’s quarterback, leading to his outright release — was getting a look from the New York Jets as a possible backup.

He was, that is, until he was arrested for alleged possession of codeine syrup, the key and illegal ingredient in a concoction called “purple drank,” reportedly growing in popularity in the South, where Russell is from.

If that sounds like a “so-what” offense, an ESPN Outside the Lines episode quoted a Houston police officer as saying that purple drank can be a harder addiction to break than marijuana, cocaine or heroin.

Russell’s next step? Hard to say, but there’s little reason to believe it will be in an upward direction.

Even more self-destruction

Then we have Bobby Gonzalez, former hoops coach at Seton Hall.

Gonzalez, who ran an outlaw program with the Pirates — no, I mean really; several players on his roster had run-ins with the police — was arrested for allegedly shoplifting a roughly $1,400 men's satchel from the Polo Ralph Lauren store in a New Jersey mall.

Gonzalez, known as a cutter-of-corners, is suspected of cutting off a sensor tag on the bag, then leaving the store.

Said Gonzalez’s lawyer: “This is a misunderstanding and series of miscommunications. Bobby did not intend to steal anything.”

Notice the mouthpiece didn’t say “Bobby” didn’t steal it — just that he didn’t intend to.

'Nice' piece of the week

Recommended reading: The Associated Press story on what some NFL players did on their off-season — what they did and what they learned.

Learned from helping kids in India and Nepal, learned providing earthquake relief in Haiti, learned spending time with “real” warriors in Afghanistan. (Above, NFL players Joe Thomas of the Cleveland Browns, Mario Williams of the Houston Texans and Jason Witten of the Dallas Cowboys, from left, talk to Sgt. Eric Harder, of Crystal, Minn., in Bostick, Afghanistan).

The story said that after spending time in Africa, Minnesota running back Adrian Peterson “was struck by how the simplest necessities could be so difficult to get, with people often walking miles on dirt roads for fresh water.

“ ‘It was a blessing to be in a position to experience that,” he said. “It makes you more grounded and be able to say: ‘Hey, you think you’ve got it rough? Ha.’ This was rough. This was survival.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/04/sports/football/04nfl.html?ref=football

Friday column: No, no, Kevin — that's not how you do it!

Poor Kevin Durant.

Doesn’t this clueless kid know how the NBA superstar game is supposed to be played?

First of all, even if you are going to stay with your current team, you don’t just sign an extension and be done with it — you play the string out, keep the fans guessing, keep the pub flowing.

Then you visit your suitors — no, no, that’s wrong; you make your suitors come to you.

On bended knee.

With open wallet.

And puckered lips.

You get ink-stained wretches and their broadcast equivalents to talk about you for days on end.

Then you get a money-grubbing, no-sense-of-proportion network to do an hourlong special — hourlong! — on your momentous “decision” (drum roll, please).

The whole world is watching!

With LeBron James — I mean King James … Lord James? — showing the way, building his brand, how could Durant just quietly re-up for five years with Oklahoma City. Oklahoma City?

Tweeted Durant: “God Is Great, me and my family came a long way.”

Said Durant’s agent: “Kevin wanted to make this commitment to the Thunder because he and his family are very appreciative of the commitment that the Thunder have made to him.”

Appreciation? Commitment?

I’m worried about this kid. I fear he’s got the wrong attitude, a poor approach. He’ll never become a billionaire or a global icon this way.

* * *

The funniest line I read during the free-agent “recruitment” process came from Pat Riley, once and future coach of the Heat.

The Miami president said he was confident of star guard Dwyane Wade’s return to South Beach in part, he said, because “We’re about stability. And we’re about family.”

Family?

Tell that to Stan Van Gundy, the Heat head coach Riley kicked to the curb four years ago in his rush to collect his sixth NBA championship ring as a coach. For Riley, the 2006 ring was his first since leaving Magic Johnson and the Lakers, and thus a form of validation.

To get the ring, Riley had to convince Van Gundy that Van Gundy really needed to spend “more time with (his) family,” thus opening a spot for Riles’ return to the bench — this a season after Van Gundy had coached the Heat within a victory of the NBA Finals.

Now, with Wade’s return and the addition of James and power forward Chris Bosh, the Heat suddenly are relevant again. I wonder if that makes Miami head coach Erik Spoelstra just a little bit nervous. I wonder how much time Spoelstra’s been spending with his family.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Oops … he did it again?

It appears that Michael Vick might have been less than forthcoming in a statement to authorities.

If true, this would surprise us … why?

Vick — I don’t really have to go into his history, do I? — said through his lawyer that he was “long gone” from the Virginia Beach, Fla., restaurant that hosted his 30th birthday bash by the time someone was shot nearby.

That someone has been identified as Quanis Phillips, a co-defendant in the dogfighting case that resulted in Vick being a guest of the feds for 18 months — and someone Vick was supposed to not have any contact with as a condition of his parole.

Vick lawyer Larry Woodward said Vick departed between 10 and 20 minutes before the gunshots rang out, but a partner of the restaurant says a video surveillance tape shows Vick leaving just three minutes before shots were fired — and he was heading in the direction of where the shooting took place.

And yes, the partner has turned the evidence over to the police.

Responded Woodward: I stand by what I said, that Michael was long gone before the shooting, does not know who did the shooting and had nothing to do with the shooting," Woodward said Tuesday. "Anyone who says any different better be very careful."

Gee, counselor, that sounds awfully like a threat. But may I suggest — every so respectfully — that Vick has a history of uh … prevarication under stress. And he’s the one I think who ought to be careful. He’s still on parole, remember? And the last time I looked, courts and their authorities don’t liked to be lied to.

Oh, and neither does the NFL commissioner. Your client just might remember what happened the last time he was less than truthful to Roger Goodell.

Stupid is as stupid does

You’re Joshua Shirley, Shaquille Richardson or Paul Richardson. You’ve all won scholarships to play football at UCLA. You’re in summer school, ready to enroll for the fall quarter. You literally have the opportunity of a lifetime before you.

So you …

Reach into the dormitory locker of a fellow student and take her backpack, stealing contents worth $1,200?

Smooth move.

Now the three have been dismissed from the team, though head weasel — I mean head coach — Rick Neuheisel said the trio may be able to earn their way back to his team. I’m guessing if the three are truly talented — I mean remorseful — Slick Rick will have their services before long.

Hooray for hierarchy

Recommended reading: Drake Bennett’s Boston Globe piece tying together Gen. Stanley McChrystal’s flameout and the failure of the French World Cup team.

The connection: the importance in cooperative ventures — like war and team sports — of having a clear hierarchy.

Writes Bennett: “In certain settings, having a clear hierarchy makes us more comfortable, more productive, and happier, even when our own place in it is an inferior one. In one intriguing finding, NBA basketball teams on which large salary differentials separate the stars from the utility players actually play better and more selflessly than their more egalitarian rivals.”

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2010/06/27/out_of_line/