It rhymes with "Hick"

College football has just stared; the pros are yet to begin. Yet so many athletes already are having an impact on their teams:

— New England Patriots running back Kevin Faulk has been suspended for the team's opening game and fined two game checks for violating the league's substance-abuse policy.

— Carolina Panthers cornerback Ricardo Colclough was arrested Saturday for allegedly driving while impaired.

— Kansas State linebacker John Houlik was suspended for three games for his Aug. 1 arrest for driving under the influence.

Topping all three, from a "being distracting to the team and getting everyone to look at me" point of view, is Cincinnati Bengal Chad Johnson. Johnson, who needs attention the way babies need breast milk, was criticized last season for trying to get called "Ocho Cinco," his uniform number in Spanish, rather than his real name. So now Johnson reportedly has legally changed his name to "Chad Javon Ocho Cinco."

But "Ocho Cinco" is soooo yesterday. To be truly a top-tier athlete and celebrity these days, one really needs to go with a single name. So, to perfectly express Johnson's — I mean, Cinco's — personality, may I suggest the single name of "Richard" — or perhaps a derivative thereof.