It rhymes with "Hick"

College football has just stared; the pros are yet to begin. Yet so many athletes already are having an impact on their teams:

— New England Patriots running back Kevin Faulk has been suspended for the team's opening game and fined two game checks for violating the league's substance-abuse policy.

— Carolina Panthers cornerback Ricardo Colclough was arrested Saturday for allegedly driving while impaired.

— Kansas State linebacker John Houlik was suspended for three games for his Aug. 1 arrest for driving under the influence.

Topping all three, from a "being distracting to the team and getting everyone to look at me" point of view, is Cincinnati Bengal Chad Johnson. Johnson, who needs attention the way babies need breast milk, was criticized last season for trying to get called "Ocho Cinco," his uniform number in Spanish, rather than his real name. So now Johnson reportedly has legally changed his name to "Chad Javon Ocho Cinco."

But "Ocho Cinco" is soooo yesterday. To be truly a top-tier athlete and celebrity these days, one really needs to go with a single name. So, to perfectly express Johnson's — I mean, Cinco's — personality, may I suggest the single name of "Richard" — or perhaps a derivative thereof.

Get your hot dog here ...

This season, the Brewers have pretty much beaten the Cardinals like a drum. So why, after getting out of a seventh-inning jam Wednesday night, did Milwaukee reliever Carlos Villanueva feel the need to flex his muscles, make a profane gesture, then point and yell at the St. Louis dugout?

That’s a mystery; what isn’t, is the St. Louis reaction. Led by a fired-up Albert Pujols, the Cardinals responded by scoring four late runs to beat the Brewers 5-3 and boost their playoff hopes.

Not the smartest move in the world, as even Brewers manager Ned Yost indicated.

"They've been struggling against us, then they get into a situation with the bases loaded,” Yost said. “You make your pitch, get the out and walk off. You let them think, 'Boy, we just had another opportunity' instead of waking up a sleeping dog, so to speak."

"I guess he did us a favor,” Pujols said. “He woke up a sleeping giant, obviously.”

Sleeping dog. Sleeping giant. Whatever. The key word is “sleeping.” Now the Cardinals seem very much awake.

As for Villanueva, he admitted he was "a little excited" on the mound, but later insisted, "I'm not going to back down from anybody."

Earth to Villanueva: Not showing another team up isn’t “backing down.” It’s showing class — and brains. Wednesday night you displayed neither.

If you don't mind, Coach, I'll believe his rap sheet

One of the week’s top quotes comes from Glenville State football coach Alan Fiddler, who had the much-traveled Willie Williams on his roster until Monday, when the NCAA ruled Williams was ineligible to play at the West Virginia school.

“Don’t believe what you’ve heard about him,” Fiddler said. “Believe what you see.”

Uh-huh.

Pardon me, Coach, for being skeptical about a player who was arrested 11 times before he got to college and is now looking for his fifth school in four years.

As for belief, let me suggest, gently, that coaches who give Williams extra chances aren’t believing in his character; they’re believing in his ability. Despite his many problems, Williams, a 6-foot-3 linebacker who runs the 40-yard dash in 4.35 seconds, is still considered a viable pro prospect.

Williams, who has showed a taste for nightlife since he originally signed with the University of Miami (Fla.), was adjusting to life in tiny Glenville, saying, “Maybe Willie Williams needed a small town to stay focused.”

Actually, maybe Willie Williams needs to stop talking about Willie Williams in the third person …

Friday column: He’s going to play, all right — play the fool

Shawne Merriman has proven he’s a great football player.

Now he’s proving something else.

Diagnosed with two torn ligaments in his left knee, the Chargers’ three-time All-Pro linebacker has decided to ignore the medical advice of several top surgeons to get the knee repaired now, which would force him to miss this season.

“I’m going to play,” Merriman said Wednesday in a text message to The San Diego Union-Tribune. “I’ll deal with it when it’s time to get surgery.”

The time to get surgery, Shawne, is now, before you do irreparable harm to your knee and your career.

Yes, I know you want to play. Yes, I know you don’t want to let your team down. Yes, I know you want to win a Super Bowl.

But you’re also 24 and have a long and potentially prosperous career ahead of you — a career you’re risking by playing on a bad knee.

Yes, I know your coach and general manager want you to play. Here’s a news flash, Shawne: To them, you’re the proverbial piece of meat — a replaceable part, no more, no less.

Don’t believe me? Listen to a former player, one-time Broncos offensive lineman Mark Schlereth, an 11-year veteran and now an ESPN analyst:

“The Chargers want him to play because of what? Because it’s in their best interests … (But) the bottom line is, is it in the best interests for the long-term career of Shawne Merriman?”

Schlereth’s answer, Shawne, is no:

“If he plays on that knee, he will get a lot of ‘atta-boys;’ it’s all about what a ‘warrior’ you are … and when the season’s over and he has to get that knee fixed and he gets to the contract-negotiation part, the business part of this game, they’ll say, ‘Dude, your sacks dropped from 12 and a half to seven. You weren’t the same explosive player. You limped around a little bit. You had to have surgery. We can’t make this investment in you right now; there’s too many unknowns.

“That’s exactly what will happen to him, and it happened to me.”

Shawne, pro football is a business — a cold-hearted one. Players are used up, then pushed out the door to make way for someone who’s a little younger, a little fresher, a little cheaper to pay.

(Tuesday, your team gave a second-year linebacker named Jyles Tucker a five-year contract extension. In other words, Shawne, your successor is already in place.)
Now, in truth, Shawne, though you’re a terrific player, you’re far from my favorite. You’re a bit of a blowhard and a trash-talker. But I hate to see anyone, even you, be taken advantage of. But it appears you’ve made up your mind.

That means the “atta-boys” are on their way; for your sake, I hope a crippling injury isn’t. Your bosses might call you “warrior,” but if you’ve bought into their propaganda, there’s a better word to describe you.

Sucker.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

A Bobby McFerrin moment

One of the top stories of the Beijing Olympics was the surprising performance of Usain Bolt in the men's 100 and 200 meters and Jamaica’s sweep of the women’s 100.

Not so surprising is the suspicion that some of the Jamaicans might be getting chemical help, especially since they live and train on an island without an international drug-testing laboratory.

Shelly-Ann Fraser, the 100-meter champion, has a simple explanation for their success:"reggae power."

As for the possibility of illicit substances playing a role in the recent Games, IOC member Frankie Fredericks of Namibia said, “I think we can never stop cheating, but I think 99 percent, or 99.9 percent, are clean. I’m happy with the testing.”

Ah yes, as Bobby McFerrin put it way back in 1988, “Don’t worry; be happy.”

P.S.: I believe 1988 was the year of Ben Johnson.

'Uh, Coach, I'll be a little late in reporting ...'

You’re a 7-foot high-school hoops star from Minnesota. You’ve been given a scholarship to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo on the beautiful California coast, but you’ve got a few days to kill before to leave for your free education. So you:

a) hit the books

b) practice your low-post moves

c) try to knock over a bank

If you said “c,” you understand the mind of 18-year-old Anthony DiLoreto, who on Aug. 15 allegedly was idling outside a bank in Danbury, Wis., ready to drive a getaway car for 16-year-old buddy, when he heard the sirens of police responding to a nearby accident.

DiLoreto sped off, leaving his alleged accomplice to flee on foot and, yes, the 16-year-old was caught and, yes, he ratted on the tall fellow who left him high and dry. Now, DiLoreto faces charges of being a party to an armed robbery and being in possession of a short-barrel shotgun.

As a player, DiLoreto is considered a late-bloomer, and someone who could use some more muscle. The good news is that if convicted, DiLoreto could face a multiyear sentence, which means plenty of time to hit the weights in the prison gym.

http://www.startribune.com/local/west/27176244.html?elr=KArksLckD8EQDUoaEyqyP4O:DW3ckUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aU7EaDiaMDCiUT

Friday column: Here's one event that wasn't televised

Monday in Beijing:

Angelo Taylor, 29, leads a U.S. sweep in the 400-meter hurdles. There is cheering.

Chinese star Liu Xiang, 25, withdraws from the 110-meter hurdles because of injury. There is weeping.

Wu Dianyuan and Wang Xiuying, women in their late 70s, are sentenced to a year of “re-education through labor.” There is silence.

Wu and Wang made the mistake of believing their government when it said that its citizens would be allowed to protest during the Games if they followed an orderly process and applied for permits.

According to The New York Times, Wu and Wang made four trips to the police to attempt to get a permit to protest the price they were paid for homes, demolished to make way for a redevelopment project. On their fifth try, they were told they had been given administrative sentences for “disturbing the public order.”

Wang’s son told The Times his mother was nearly blind, and asked, “Can you imagine two old ladies in their 70s being re-educated through labor?”

Sounds like a good question for the Public Security Bureau, but when The Times called it, the man who picked up the phone declined to answer.

Silence — the official sound of repression and proud sponsor of the Games of the XXIX Olympiad.

The Associated Press reported Monday that the authorities have received 77 applications to hold protests during the Olympics. Oddly, not one has been approved.
According to the country’s official news agency, all the applications were withdrawn, suspended or rejected. Weren’t the Games supposed to improve China’s stance on human rights?

Said the AP account: “Rights groups and relatives have said some applicants were immediately taken away by security agents after applying to hold a rally, prompting critics to accuse officials of using the plan as a trap to draw potential protesters to their attention.”

You think?

Defending the country’s “protest plan,” Wang Wei, an official of the Beijing Olympics organizing committee, said, “Many problems have not been solved, not even by the United Nations, and some want them to be solved during the Olympic Games, putting pressure on the International Olympic Committee and the Beijing Olympic Committee.

“This is not realistic,” Wang continued. “We think that you do not really understand China’s reality. China has its own version and way of exercising our democracy.”

So we see.

When the XXIX Olympiad is over, gold-medal machine Michael Phelps will be the face of the Beijing Games, which certainly is fair — but not necessarily right. What would be right is if Wu Dianyuan and Wang Xiuying also became the faces of the Games.

Of course, for that, we’d have to actually see their faces. You can — for the moment, thanks to an AP photograph. Take a good look. You won’t see them again for a good, long while.

+++

Those wanting to protest the sentencing can contact the Chinese Embassy in Washington at 2300 Connecticut Ave. NW, Washington, D.C. 20008, or by e-mail, webmaster@china-embassy.org


Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Enough already

So, Bengals fans, had enough yet?

Enough with head coach Marvin Lewis and club president Mike Brown?

First, they draft completely without any regard to player behavior. Then they stand by their miscreants when they misbehave — to the tune of 10 players arrested over 14 months. When over the years that enabling only produces losing teams and chaos, they suddenly develop a character gene — abruptly cutting fleet-but-clueless receiver Chris Henry in March after yet another arrest (don’t ask — I’ve lost count).

At the time, Brown said, and I quote: "His conduct can no longer be tolerated."

A month ago, Lewis said, "I'm not interested (in bringing Henry back). I don't think it would be productive for our football team. You have to be a productive part to be an NFL player, and there's responsibilities to being an NFL player. It's a privilege, it's not a right. There's a lot that comes with being an NFL football player.”

And there’s a lot that comes with being an NFL head coach, at least a head coach for Cincinnati: the ability to do a 180 with your word. So a couple days after Bengals receiver Chad Johnson turned an ankle, guess who was back with the Bungles?

Bingo.

Asked to comment on his flip-flop, Brown had nothing to say Tuesday. Actually, there’s nothing he needs to say. Bringing Henry back said it all.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5htxU4ZWwY9CvqKasHh65BlrC0zuwD92LK2SG1

Go ... go ... go ...

A Kurt Streeter column in Monday’s L.A. Times tried to make the case for Maury Wills to get into the baseball Hall of Fame. Wills, the spark plug of the Dodgers teams of the early ’60s, was a career .281 hitter but his renown came from his 586 stolen bases — especially the then-record 104 he swiped in 1962.

With all due respect Streeter’s argument, I don’t think Wills had a Hall-of-Fame career.

That being said, I grew up in L.A. in the ’60s, saw my first major league game in 1963, and I can tell you, nothing was more exciting for a young fan than the sight of Wills on first base.

Throw after throw from the pitcher trying to hold Wills close to the base, while 50,000 people chanted “Go! … Go! … Go!” (on their own — no electronic prompting needed). Finally a pitch, a dash to second, a safe sign and a roar.

Sandy Koufax and Wills were the heart of the early-60s Dodger teams.

As Streeter notes, Wills had a tough time post-career, flopping as a manager in Seattle and battling addiction — along with the bitterness of feeling he was dissed by baseball by being left out of the Hall of Fame and dissed by the Dodgers by not having his No. 30 retired.

Streeter says Wills at 75 — is that possible? — is wiser and happier now. I hope so. On his Hall-of-Fame credentials, Steeter and I disagree. But we can agree on this: To Dodgers fans in the early '60s, he was something very special.

http://www.latimes.com/sports/baseball/mlb/dodgers/la-sp-streeter18-2008aug18,0,7674790.column

Olympic line of the week

Complicated tie-breaking rules cost American gymnast Nastia Liukin a gold medal on the uneven bars Monday, and she finished second to China's tiny He Kexin, right, despite being given the same score of 16.725. Kexin, you might remember, is one of the Chinese gymnasts of doubtful age. She's supposed to be 16.

Liukin and He remained even when the first and then second tie-breakers were applied. The third one — the average of the three lowest of the four counting judges' deductions — gave the edge to the Chinese.

Columnist Gil LeBreton of the Star-Telegram in Fort Worth offered a better tie-breaker — birth certificates.

http://www.star-telegram.com/sports/columnists/gil_lebreton//story/842829.html

Me — glorious me

Generation Y has the reputation, correctly or not, of being a bit, well, me-centered.

The book Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled and More Miserable Than Ever asserts Gen Y’ers are most narcissistic than previous generations, thanks to parenting that over-emphasized the importance of child self-esteem.

It might not be true, but Gen Y’er Michelle Wie is doing nothing to fight the stereotype.

The 18-year-old Wie, who through a series of bad decisions appears in the process of damaging, if not ruining, the most God-given golf talent we've seen this side of Tiger Woods, doesn’t have a history of reacting well to criticism.

Her latest:

"Everyone has their own opinion of what I should do, but I think that it's my life. I know there might be wrong decisions that I make and there might be right decisions that I make, but they're decisions that I make for myself.

"And I think the only decision I can make is to be 100 percent supportive of myself and not doubt myself at all."

Instead of learning to win on the LPGA Tour, Win has a penchant for taking sponsor's exemptions into men's tournaments, where she's yet to make a single cut. She is now ranked No. 309 (yes, that's THREE-OH-NINE) in the world.

http://sports.yahoo.com/golf/pga/news?slug=capress-golf_canadian_women&prov=capress&type=lgns

Something's Askew — and not just in Miami

The Associated Press reports that former NBA player Vincent Askew has been arrested in Miami on charges that he had sex with a 16-year-old girl.

According to the cops, the 43-year-old Askew told the 16-year-old that he was recruiting players for a Miami-Dade County prep school. Allegedly, he later had sex with the girl at a hotel.

Police says that Askew was trying to get a coaching position at the school.

Considering the number of recent sex scandals involving high school coaches and teachers, Askew — if guilty — might have considered preying on a teen a job prerequisite.

Getting what they deserve

An Associated Press account of Manny Ramirez’s third game as a Dodger included the following information: “Ramirez ran out a grounder behind third base at full speed.”

The AP reporter deemed it worthy of note that Ramirez had hustled on a play — something that Derek Jeter, for one, has done on every grounder or flyball he’s ever hit in his career.

For this modicum of caring, Ramirez was cheered by the Los Angeles crowd, which might seem a bit excessive. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
For that matter, so is truth.

In the last weeks of Ramirez’s tenure in Boston, anyone with eyes could see that Manny — wanting out of a contract that paid him a paltry $20 million a year — had turned Red Sox saboteur, not running out ground balls, not bothering to swing in a key at-bat against the Yankees, pulling himself out of the lineup with phantom injuries.

Not only had his manager and longtime protector, Terry Francona, turned against him, so had his fellow players.

“When you quit on your team, that’s the worst thing you can do,” one Red Sox player said. “He had to go after that.” Another called Ramirez’s actions “a disgrace.”

Yet his new manager, smilin’ Joe Torre, said, “Over the years I have never heard anything negative about him from his teammates. That’s usually a particularly good sign.”

On the other hand, slapping a teammate in the dugout — as Ramirez did recently to Kevin Youklis — or in a fit of pique knocking over a 64-year-old traveling secretary — as he did to Jack McCormick — isn’t a particularly good sign.

But as Ramirez is hitting .467 with five home runs in 12 games, everyone bleeding Dodger blue is happy to drink the Kool-Aid.

Turn to the West, cup your hears and you can probably hear the Dodger Stadium chant: Manny is a team player. Manny plays hard. Manny is misunderstood.

On his way out of Boston, Ramirez said the Red Sox didn’t deserve him. He was dead wrong. The Red Sox covered and made excuses for their petulant hitting star for years, and when he turned on them, they deserved him, all right.

And when it turns ugly in L.A., his new enablers, the Dodgers, will have richly deserved him as well.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Olympic class and the lack thereof

Sunday and early Monday there were two examples of what the Olympic Games should be about, and one example of what they shouldn’t be about.

Sunday, Russia’s Natalia Paderina won the silver medal in the women’s 10-meter air pistol; Georgia’s Nino Salukvadze won the bronze. Their nations happen to be at war. But on the medal stand, the Georgian put her arm around the Russian, and as they posed for photographs, the Russian kissed the Georgian on the cheek.

Early Monday, Kosuke Kitajima broke American Brendan Hansen’s world record in the 100 breaststroke, and Hansen’s heart in the process. The loss meant Hansen will leave these Olympics without an individual medal, and as an Associated Press reporter put it, “he’ll go down as one of the major disappointments of the American team.”

Yet Hansen swam over to Kitajima to congratulate him, later saying, “You’ve got to tip your hat to somebody that does something like that in a pressure-packed race like that. That’s a hell of a swim, and he is a true champion.”

On the other hand, we have Alain Bernard, the swimmer who confidently predicted his French team would beat the Americans in the 400 freestyle relay; some news reports quoted him as saying they would “smash” the Americans.

When, instead, the U.S. beat the French by a whisper — thanks to American Jason Lezak’s chasing down Bernard in the final lap, Bernard clung to the wall, head down, and was the last to leave the pool. Beaten, braggadocio suddenly had nothing to say, and certainly not “congratulations.”

All hail the Olympic $pirit

The Olympics begin today, and for the next 16 days you'll hear a lot about the "Olympic Spirit," for while the Games are about sport, they're also said to transcend it.

According to the Olympic Charter, "the goal of Olympism is to place sport at the service of the harmonious development of man, with a view to promoting a peaceful society concerned with the preservation of human dignity."

Anyone this side Hugo Chávez ever associate the People's Republic of China with the preservation of human dignity?

Yet the Chinese have these Games, and why? Well, in awarding them to Beijing seven years ago, the IOC said the Olympics would promote a more open and benevolent China. No fool, the communist government played along, saying the Games would "enhance all social conditions, including education, health and human rights." Added was a promise to respect the freedom of the press.

How has that worked out?

Well, Chinese dissidents have been silenced through imprisonment and intimidation, and some, including Tibetan monks, have been subject to labor-camp "re-education."

Hundreds of thousands of Beijing residents have been evicted and their homes torn down to help "beautify" the city for the world's eyes and TV cameras.

Foreign journalists have been harassed, spied upon and prevented from accessing Web sites that the "People's Republic" finds objectionable.

At least the journalists have been allowed into the country. Not so for former Olympic speedskater Joey Cheek, who had his visa revoked hours before he was to leave for Beijing. His offense? He intended to publicly urge China to do something to stop the violence in Darfur.

Ah, but we mustn't have protests; it mars the image that the host police state — I mean host nation — is trying to present. The IOC, while paying lip service to freedom of expression, even has rules against political protest that dovetail nicely with Chinese desires.

"I've been pretty unimpressed with the IOC's efforts in protecting athletes, for giving them any options (to speak out)," Cheek said.

But why hasn't the IOC done something to protect the athletes' freedom of expression, if Olympism is about "the preservation of human dignity"?

It's because the Olympic Games are not about human dignity; they're about money.

As Sally Jenkins pointed out in Wednesday's Washington Post, 12 major corporations — six of them American — are paying $7 billion to sponsor the Games and gain a foothold into a market of 1.3 billion consumers.

NBC, owned by General Electric — one of the 12 — is televising the Games, so expect little talk of commercialism. And expect minimal coverage of protests.

Instead, expect a lot of talk about the "Olympic Spirit," which means the air in Beijing will be filled with as much hypocrisy as particulate matter.

So, human rights be damned, freedom of the press be damned, promises of reform be damned. Let the Game$ begin.

Plus, his eligibility might be used up ...

The myopic vision of your typical college coach was on display Thursday in Southern California head football coach Pete Carroll’s reaction to the guilty verdict against Maurice Simmons, a Trojans linebacking recruit.

Simmons, along co-defendant Lamont Lee Hall, robbed a man at gunpoint in Compton, Calif., and Simmons was charged with felony robbery, assault with a firearm — another felony — and a misdemeanor charge of allowing someone to bring a gun into his car. He was convicted on all three counts.

Carroll called it "the most unfortunate news we could get for Maurice and for his family. We feel sorry for everything they have to go through."

Hey, Pete, how about a word for the man your recruit robbed at gunpoint? Got a word for the victim? No? That’s OK; we understand — he probably doesn’t have a very good time in the 40.

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-spw-simmons7-2008aug07,0,7804481.story

Let's hear it for private initiative

Seven members of the Russian track and field team are accused of tampering with their urine samples, and the head of the International Olympic Committee says, sadly, that it appears that “systematic doping” is still going on.

Do tell.

"I think it is just frustrating to find that such type of cheating — planned cheating — is still going on," Arne Ljungqvist said Tuesday. "That's very disappointing to find."

Arne, just wait till you get a good look at the Chinese.

But we’re with you Arne; Americans prefer individual doping, not this state-sponsored crap. It’s a freedom-of-expression thing with us and is — if I’m not greatly mistaken — protected by the First, Fourth and Fifth amendments to our Constitution and probably several others I’m only vaguely aware of …

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/summer08/trackandfield/news/story?id=3519823

Sorry to bother you, neighbor; can we borrow a can of whup-ass?

"It's not a big deal. For eight months a year, we're a family, and at times things happen. Tempers flare up. But it's within the family, and it's a little bit rude when your neighbors are fighting next door for you to go over and ask what happened. ... It's nobody's business what happened." — Milwaukee manager Ted Yost, after a shoving match between first baseman Prince Fielder and pitcher Manny Parra.

Ted, I understand your position — anything embarrassing that happens within, you’d like to keep it, well, within. But this happened in public, in front of fans — they’re the ones who pay the salaries of players and managers, Ted — and even in an incident as brief as this, they and the press, whom they read, have a right to ask about it and get some answers. Feel free to lie, though; players and managers do it all the all the time and we’re used to it.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=280804117

Regg-ie, Regg-ie, Regg-ie ...

Bad news for Reggie Bush.

His attorneys asked to settle a lawsuit against him through arbitration — confidential arbitration.

A judge in San Diego said nay, and the NCAA said yay! as its investigators are hoping to learn through the legal process if Bush did indeed — as wanna-be marketer Lloyd Lake alleges — get all sorts of illicit goodies while playing tailback for Southern Cal.

Bush has denied rule breaking, but at the same time has been less than cooperative with the NCAA and less than anxious to be deposed under oath, where that little thing called perjury hangs over one’s head.

If Bush is guilty — and five will get you 10 he is — he’s already falling into a familiar pattern: First, you do something scummy; then you lie to the press about it; then — and this is the next big step for him — you lie to a court or the feds about it.

Then you get indicted (see Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, Scooter Libby, among others).

Expect Bush’s lawyers — if they’ve got any brains — to move heaven and earth to avoid the depositions, which for Bush is scheduled for Sept. 9.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25972778/

You could try growing up ...

Displeased by an umpire’s decision Thursday night, Minnesota manager Ron Gardenhire turned 3-year-old, arguing until ejected, storming off the field, punting his cap high over his head.

Thus inspired, the Twins faithful turned 2-year-old, throwing hats and baseballs onto the field, forcing the visiting White Sox to head for the dugout and leading the men in blue to halt the game for a few minutes.

"I don't like to see the game get stopped because of something like that," Gardenhire said. "I can't control it. What am I going to do? But my reaction out there led to something and I don't like it. I felt bad."

You ought to feel bad. As for what are you going to do? How about acting like an adult? No manager has to get ejected. Big league umps are pretty good about letting a manger blow off steam, and pretty good about letting them know when the line is about to be crossed.

Baseball has several, time-honored traditions that are great; managers throwing temper tantrums isn't one of them.

Thinking ruins everything

In this week’s New Yorker, a Sasha Frere-Jones piece on the British rock group Coldplay describes its type of music this way: “rock that respects the sea change of punk but still wants to be as chest-thumping and anthemic as the music of the seventies stadium gods. Translated, this means short pop songs that somehow summon utterly titanic emotions and require you to skip around in triumphant circles and pump your fist, even if it is not entirely clear what you are singing about.”

Frere-Jones says this type of rock was invented by U2, but I remember even that before the Age of Bono — you know, back in the day — I’d find myself really pumped up by a song, would excitedly read the lyrics and try to parse them … only to discover there was no there there.