Maybe there's a cream ...

Recommended reading: Tracee Hamilton's Washington Post column on the latest trouble Alex Rodriguez has managed to get himself into — no, not steroids again, but high-stakes gambling, against which he'd been warned. Writes Hamilton: All baseball can do is suspend Rodriguez, "because let’s face it: They can’t make him smarter. If only someone could come up with an injection for that."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/redskins/alex-rodriguez-usually-bluffing-rarely-a-safe-bet/2011/08/04/gIQA2V0MuI_story.html

Oh, and a Red Ryder BB gun ...

From the Washington Post:

Roger Clemens wants charges dropped, no new trial

"Attorneys for former All-Star pitcher Roger Clemens asked a federal judge in Washington to dismiss charges that the Major League baseball legend lied to Congress about using steroids and asked the court to prevent prosecutors from trying him again after his first trial ended in a mistrial this month."

I'm guessing Clemens would also like a personal apology for anyone who ever doubted him, a unanimous, first-ballot entry into the baseball Hall of Fame and milk and cookies for life.

Just asking

They say, “set a thief to catch a thief?”

But do you set a coach with a drinking problem to rehabilitate a player with a drinking problem?

You do, if you’re South Carolina.

Tuesday, head coach Steve Spurrier reinstated quarterback Stephen Garcia, recently suspended for the fifth time in his Gamecock career. Most incidents have involved alcohol.

Watching over Garcia will be quarterbacks coach G.A. Magus.

If that name sounds familiar, it’s probably because of Magus’ recen
t arrest for allegedly urinating in the street outside a Greenville, S.C. bar.

According to the police report, Mangus was urinating on the curb and roadway. When officers questioned Mangus, he appeared "unsteady on his feet and he had a strong odor of alcoholic beverage coming from his person.”

The report said that Mangus’ eyes were dilated and glazed over, his speech was slurred and “he was uncooperative in proving straight answers.”

He was scheduled to appear in court Aug. 26. Like Garcia, Magus had been suspended. Like Garcia, on Tuesday, he was welcomed back to the fold.

“We insist that those in the athletics department who work with our student-athletes on a daily basis are held to a higher standard of conduct,” athletic director Eric Hyman.

Is not getting blasted and not urinating in public really considered a “higher standard” at South Carolina?

Friday column: Integrity questions? Heaven forbid ...

It’s an unfortunate but illuminating choice of words.

“No one likes a cloud of accusations and questions about integrity,” new Pacific 12 commissioner Larry Scott said at the conference’s recent media day. “That’s not the Pac-12 brand.”

Use of brand, of course, suggests the word commodity — that, after all, is what you brand — which would refer not only to the competition college football sells but also to the people who do the competing, the players.

In college sports, branding and selling are what matters, in spite of the NCAA’s mission statement, which in part burbles that the organization’s purpose is to “integrate intercollegiate athletics into higher education so that the educational experience of the student-athlete is paramount.”

The educational experience of the student-athlete is not paramount in any of the NCAA’s member institutions. Winning (and making money) is. And to win, you need a superior commodity, which is why, it appears, the University of Oregon paid talent scout Willie Lyles $25,000 to deliver running back Lache Seastrunk — to whom Lyles had close ties — to Eugene.

Unfortunately for Oregon, paying for players is a rules violation, which is why once word of the transaction got out, the Ducks coaching staff quickly contacted Lyles, asking for some actual scouting material — player evaluations and game tape — that would justify the 25 large.

Again, unfortunately for the Ducks, what Lyles hurriedly put together included useless and outdated material that, once released, made Oregon coach Chip Kelly an object of ridicule — and investigation.

Which is why Kelly recently was peppered with questions about the scandal, questions he said he wasn’t at liberty to answer — much to his chagrin.

“I’d love to talk about it,” he said. “There are a lot of answers I’d love to make sure we get out there.”

Sure, Chip, you’d just love to answer questions about your apparent duplicity. Well, good news, my friend! The NCAA is coming to Eugene, and you’ll get all the opportunity to talk you could possibly want.

The NCAA is also heading to Baton Rouge, La., home of the LSU Tigers, who also paid money to Lyles for services not rendered.

Yes, there were “scouting reports” that came from Lyles. Unfortunately for head coach Les Miles, they were of the same caliber as those sent to Eugene — worthless.

Asked for specifics about the material, Herb Vincent, LSU senior associate athletic director, said, “I do not have this information and cannot provide this information at this time.”

But you’d love to provide it, wouldn’t you, Herb?

Cutting through the … uh, bunkum … it looks as though both Oregon and LSU paid Lyles to try to deliver players to their institutions of higher learning.

Which is why it’s particularly appropriate that the first big game of the first big Saturday of the season features none other than, yes, the Ducks and Tigers, on national TV.

Call it the Willie Lyles Bowl.

That would be proper branding.

Fair comment

Now, I like Tim Tebow. From my perspective, in fact, what’s not to like?

But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be touched by honest criticism of his game.

LeBron James feels differently, tweeting of ESPN analyst Merril Hoge’s recent negative analysis of Tebow’s abilities:

“Listened to Merril Hoge today on SC and he was just blasting Tebow. The man hasn't even play a full season and its only his 2nd year in. Guys get on that TV and act like they was all WORLD when they played. How bout encouraging him and wishing him the best instead of hating!!"

Here’s what Hoge said on SportsCenter:

"(Tebow) is awful as far as accuracy goes and what's kind of even more disturbing, he's probably worse moving and running around with the football and throwing than he is from the pocket. Can you get better there? A little bit. If everything is perfect, the pocket, your feet are good, all your fundamentals come into place, the coverage is what you want it, you can be successful. But that doesn't happen at the National Football League. Rarely does that happen."

Newsflash for LeBron: As a fellow athlete, if you want to encourage Tebow, good for you. If a fan wants to encourage Tebow, good for him or her.
But encouragement isn’t Hoge’s job — analysis is.

Dept. of What the …?

Darius Miles is an NBA bust, a high-schooler taken third in the in 2000 draft by the Clippers (need we say more?). In eight years he bounced around with four teams, averaging 10 points and 5 rebounds a game.

He had his moments of acting like a child, most notably during the 2004-05 season when he insulted Portland coach Mo Cheeks with a racial epithet (Cheeks and Miles are shown above), and in 2009 when he was arrested for possession of a small amount of marijuana and driving on a suspended license.

But it wasn’t until this week Miles, 29, did something truly stupid.
According to authorities, Miles tried to bring a firearm through security at Lambert-St. Louis International Airport.

A loaded firearm.

It was unclear if the weapon was found in his carry-on luggage or if Miles was carrying it on his person.

The St. Louis County prosecutor's office will review the case and decide whether charges will be filed.

I’m guessing the answer will be yes.

Friday column: A question of context Not really

James Harrison wants us to know that context is important.

“I did make comments about my teammates when I was talking about the emotional Super Bowl loss,” the Steelers linebacker said in reference to a controversial Men’s Journal story. “But the handful of words that were used and heavily publicized yesterday were pulled out of a long conversation and the context was lost.”

Hmmm.

So, what context would make calling Rashard Mendenhall a “fumble machine” sound better, I wonder.

Or what frame of reference are we lacking to correctly assess Harrison’s words about his quarterback, Ben Roethlsberger: “Hey, at least throw a pick on their side of the field instead of asking the D to bail you out again. Or hand the ball off and stop trying to act like Peyton Manning. You ain’t that and you know it, man; you just get paid like he does.”

Then there’s the anti-gay slang word Harrison used to describe NFL boss Roger Goodell, whom he also called “a crook” and “the devil” and whom said he “hated.” There was worse, actually, but you get the picture.

Harrison teammate Lawrence Timmons doesn’t. According to Timmons, James is a really great guy who’s just … wait for it … that’s right — misunderstood.

The misunderstanding is all Harrison’s.

At 33, Harrison’s no child. If he lets resentment and ego open his mouth and says stupid things to a national publication, he should expect as much “understanding” as a receiver gets going across the middle of the Steelers defense.

* * *

Harrison teammate Rashard Mendenhall wants us to know the importance of free speech.
Free speech is why he’s suing the parent company of Champion, the sports apparel maker; the cool million he’s seeking in damages has nothing to do with it.

Mendenhall, you see, lost his endorsement gig with Champion after tweeting offensive nonsense about the killing of Osama bin Laden.

“For Rashard, this really is not about the money,” his lawyer said. “This is about whether he can express his opinion.”

Well, yes, Rashard, you can express an opinion, and so can Champion — by ending your employment.

* * *

North Korea wants us to know that sometimes things happen beyond our control.
Its loss to the U.S. in the Women’s World Cup, for instance, was the result of five of its players being struck by lighting at practice.

Really.

Oh, and so was the fact that several of its players tested positive for steroids. It has to do with musk deer and glands and traditional Chinese medicine but it all started with that darned lightning strike.

Lightning strike — the sort of thing usually referred to as an Act of God, a legal term for events outside of human control. But as North Korea imposes atheism on its people and doesn’t believe in God, I wonder how they …

Must be a contextual thing. Perhaps James Harrison can explain it.