Thursday, June 17, 2010

Cue Inspector Callahan


I have a favorite bullfighter.

As of Sunday.

The man’s name is Christian Hernandez, and you may have seen him in action on the news or on YouTube waving his cape in his bull’s general direction, then taking off like a rocket and vaulting over the wall for safety.

Hernandez, who several months ago had been seriously gored, didn’t mince words after the “fight.”

"There are some things you must be aware of about yourself," Hernandez, a 22-year-old Mexican, said. “I didn't have the ability, I didn't have the balls, this is not my thing.”

I’ve never had a favorite bullfighter before. What’s that? Hernandez said he’s quitting? OK, so I have a favorite former bullfighter.

As Dirty Harry so eloquently put it: "A man's got to know his limitations."

What? No O.J. Simpson?


Reggie Bush’s lawyer says the former USC star fully cooperated with the NCAA investigation into allegations he and his family accepted illicit benefits — such as living rent-free — while Bush was a star with the Trojans.

The NCAA says he didn’t cooperate fully.

Hmmmm. Who to believe? Who to believe?

Bush attorney Shawn Chapman Holley said his client sat down with the NCAA though he couldn’t be compelled to do so. The NCAA said that while that may be so, Bush failed to provide information that could have backed up his claim of innocence.

Holley insisted that Bush’s willing to meet with the NCAA investigators showed “he had nothing to hide.”

So, who to believe?

What's that, you say? Holley’s former clients include Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Mike Tyson?

That rather makes my decision a bit easier.

Bush, second take

So.

Reggie Bush regrets the effect on USC of the NCAA penalties imposed on the school in large part because the extra benefits he reportedly received.

Bush said that to him it’s the “closest thing to death without dying.”

Spare me the tears.

Bush was just another young athlete who just couldn’t wait for the gravy train. If what the NCAA alleges is true — and I believe their investigators — Bush and his family were greedy.

Period.

As for Pete Carroll and USC, here’s my strong guess: They couldn’t have and should have known something was up with Bush. Like many coaches and programs, they didn’t want to know.

It’s just a game — no, really

You’re Nicholis Williams, a 29-year-old man with a 10-year-old son. You’re watching your kid play baseball and don’t think he’s getting as many at-bats as other boys.

So … you … curse the coach?

OK, well that’s not the brightest or most gentlemanly thing to do, but at least he didn’t pull a gun, right?

Right?

After the game, Williams and coach Joe Powell walked to Williams’ car, and Williams did, indeed, pull a handgun and point it at Williams.

Williams actually had a gun permit, but that’s been suspended now that Williams has been arrested by police and charged with felony aggravated assault.

Ah, the lessons our youth can learn through sport …

Friday column: Maturity issues and other problems


Two weeks ago, I wrote about the graciousness of Armando Galarraga. Last week, I wrote about the remarkable life of John Wooden. Will we have three uplifting columns in a row?

No, thank goodness. OK, let’s not thank goodness; let’s thank Vince Young, the University of Southern California and Albert Haynesworth.

Young, the former University of Texas star, now the quarterback and wannabe leader of the NFL’s Tennessee Titans, got involved Sunday in a way-past-bedtime scuffle at a … wait for it … strip club.

Video surveillance showed Young getting violent after a man made derogatory remarks about UT and flashed an upside-down “Hook ’em, Horns” sign.

Let me repeat that. Young, who has been attempting to show the Titans he’s no longer the pouting, immature jock who couldn’t stand to be booed and whose erratic behavior had his mother worried about his emotional stability, attacked a man because of an upside-down rah-rah sign.

What’s that sound, you ask? Yes, I heard it, too. I’m pretty sure that was Titans head coach Jeff Fisher, still sighing.

Of course, the team Young’s Longhorns beat in the 2006 BCS title game — Southern Cal — has its own problems, thanks in part to that game’s other marquee talent — Reggie Bush.

According to the NCAA, Bush and his family received extra benefits — hundreds of thousands of dollars have been alleged. As a result, the football program has been slammed with major sanctions, including forfeiture of victories, loss of scholarships and four years probation.

The severity of the punishments is linked to the finding of a lack of institutional control at the school, which also was hit for special benefits provided another “I want it now” jock, former basketball star O.J. Mayo.

Mayo’s coach, Tim Floyd, who was accused of being his own bagman in securing Mayo’s services for the Trojans, is long gone from the scene. Also gone is football coach Pete Carroll, who in the offseason suddenly developed an itch to jump to the NFL.

Of course, Carroll insists, the prospect of major NCAA penalties had nothing to do with his decision.

And I believe Carroll; sure, I do. But, then, I believe BP will get a handle on this oil thing any minute now.

Speaking of spurting crude, it’s hard to imagine an athlete leaking more credibility at the moment than Haynesworth.

The Washington defensive tackle was a no-show at practice this week. It seems Haynesworth, who already has collected $32 million on the $100 million contract he signed last year, is miffed at the team’s switch from a 3-4 defense to a 4-3 alignment, and wants to be traded.

Even his teammates are supporting the team’s attempt to reclaim some of the money they’ve paid to Haynesworth, who was a bust in his first year with the club.

Say this for Haynesworth: He might be a selfish, childish jerk, but at least the former Tennessee Volunteer waited until he turned pro to get paid.

Um … as far as we know.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Dumb and not-so-dumb

Mathias Kiwanuka is smarter than Ben Roethlisberger.

How do I know this?

In June 2006, Roethlisberger was injured in a motorcycle accident. He went over his handlebars and hit — head-first — into the windshield of a car. He was not wearing a helmet.

According to Wikipedia, police sources said “Roethlisberger suffered fractures to the jaw and right sinus cavity, as well as a nine-inch laceration to the back of the head, the loss of two teeth, and several chipped teeth. His facial injuries were severe enough that witnesses on the scene did not immediately recognize him, even after he identified himself as ‘Ben.’ ”

Yet after the accident, he continued to ride — sometimes, despite pledges to the contrary — sans helmet.

New York Giants defensive end Mathias Kiwanuka wasn’t even in an accident and has decided to stop riding — period. Watching his brother get seriously injured was enough.

Benedict Kiwanuka reportedly broke several bones, suffered internal injuries and there were doubts for two days about his survival.

"You go through something like that and you realize how much of a gift life is and how short it can be," Kiwanuka said. "(You) just try to make better decisions and for me, in the position I was in watching that and knowing what I have left to do, not in just football but on this Earth, it's enough to wake you up and realize there are better ways to have fun."

Kiwanuka is smarter than Roethlisberger — which, admittedly, isn't saying much.

Dumb and incredibly dumb

So.

You’re quarterback Jeremiah Masoli.

Despite a troubled past, but you land a football scholarship to the University of Oregon. There, you succeed so well on the field that you’re talked of as a Heisman Trophy candidate.

Victories, honors and a fat NFL contract beckon.

So you get involved in the stealing of laptops from a university fraternity house and wind up suspended for the entire 2010 season?

But OK. OK. You’re a young man and young men make “mistakes.” Your coach is willing to put you back on the team in 2011 if you follow some Very Simple Rules, which include no more brushes with the law.

Victories, honors and possibly a fat NFL contract still beckon.

So you … get busted driving with marijuana in the car?

Now you’ve permanently been kicked off the team. You’ll eventually find some program to take you for your final year of eligibility — this is college football, after all.

But that fat NFL contract no longer beckons.

You’re not only dumb — you’re chump dumb.