Now that budget woes have forced the SETI Institute in California to shut down the efforts of its Allen Telescope Array to find intelligent life in the universe, what are we going to do?
Well, I'll do my bit by looking for demonstrable cerebral function in my particular bailiwick, the Universe of Sport.
Let's start with a peek at America's entrepreneurs, who have been called the "proverbial wellspring of innovation" and "the key building blocks of our nation." Let's start specifically with the geniuses of Kage Games, who have developed a smartphone application that glorifies dogfighting.
Yes, dogfighting,
The app, Dog Wars, allows players to feed, water, train and fight their virtual dogs against other canines. Why in the name of Michael Vick would anyone think this a good idea?
Vick has condemned it, as have the Humane Society and others. Kage Games is undaunted. A Kage Games website essentially says, Hey, it's just a game.
"Perhaps one day we will make gerbil wars or beta fish wars for people who can't understand fantasy role play games," the site says.
And speaking of fantasy role-play games, how about a domestic-violence game or a bullying game? Wait, I've got it. How about a game called Rampage, where people can dynamite companies that make offensive apps?
Hey, it's just a game.
OK, I guess that search failed. Next, I'll try ... well, why not that repository of timeless wisdom — parents?
Such as Robert Rodriguez.
Rodriguez, perturbed that his sophomore spawn was left off the playoff roster of Miami Springs Senior High School in Florida, discussed the decision with coach Jason Moris in a cool, respectful manner that demonstrated not just intelligence but restraint.
Just kidding.
What he actually did, according to reports, was hit Moris in the face, repeatedly.
As if that were not enough to demonstrate his acumen, he then called the cops to try to have Moris arrested.
Problem: Rodriguez is 6 feet, 300 pounds; Moris is 5-3, 140 pounds. Another problem: Rodriguez's face was unmarked; Moris' face looked like it had been through a meat grinder.
Next problem for Rodriguez: Finding bail money and a creative lawyer.
No sign of intelligent life in the gamer or the parent; let's try an athlete.
Such as Florida Gator star cornerback Janoris Jenkins.
Jenkins, arrested and charged with fighting and resisting arrest in 2009 (police felt obliged to use a stun gun on him) was nicked again early this year on a marijuana charge. In both cases, he accepted plea deals.
Saturday, the senior was spotted smoking a marijuana stogie — in public — and arrested again.
Now, he is a former Florida Gator. Furthermore, you can expect his NFL draft prospects to tumble — along with the value of his first pro contract, assuming he gets one.
That was one expensive cigar. That was one dumb move.
SETI, please come back.
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