Friday column: Gee’s joke may turn out to be prophetic

A Division I football coach has a single job requirement.

Win.

OK, there is a proviso — without embarrassing the university.

All right, there’s an addendum to the proviso — in a way that precludes plausible denial.

Jim Tressel fulfilled the first clause of the job description: a record of 106-22-0 and one national championship. He found the second clause a little harder to negotiate, but largely succeeded in spite of incidents involving Maurice Clarett and others.

It’s the addendum that finally got him.

The administrative stuffed shirts in Columbus who love to mouth platitudes about integrity and winning “the right way” loved Jim Tressel.

They loved the image he projected and they loved the title of the books he wrote (Life Promises for Success: Promises from God on Achieving Your Best). Most of all, they loved all the wins and all the green the wins generated.

They loved Tressel’s gravy train so much that they didn’t even mind being lied to. Remember the news conference following the revelation that Tressel had known about his players’ rules violations all along but had kept mum, deceiving both the NCAA and his bosses?

Remember school president Gordon Gee’s attempted witticism when asked if he had considered firing Tressel? “I just hope the coach doesn’t dismiss me,” the little man laughed.

Make no mistake: If the empty suits at OSU thought they could have ridden out the storm with Tressel, they would have. You don’t fire a coach who beats Michigan nine of 10 times unless you absolutely have to.

And when the muck gets deep enough that your jobs are in jeopardy, you absolutely have to.

In announcing Tressel’s departure, Gee barely mentioned his coach’s name — the first time in months, wrote ESPN’s Ivan Maisel, that Gee had spoken “publicly about Tressel without sounding like a tween gushing over Justin Bieber.”

As recently as two weeks ago, athletic director Gene Smith still supported Tressel. This week, Smith suddenly went from “You’re still our coach” to “Hate to see you go — here’s your hat.”

For that, we can thank Sports Illustrated, which demolished the last fig leaf Ohio State had: the idea that the five players suspended for trading memorabilia for tattoos and cash were involved in an isolated incident.

Five players and a coach cover-up, that’s one thing, albeit pretty bad. Sixty players? During eight years? Involving memorabilia, school property and possibly drugs? That’s quite another thing. Then there’s the other recent reports that as many as 50 Buckeyes got special deals on cars.

NCAA no likey.

The Buckeyes are going to get hammered and when they do — perhaps even before they do — expect a broom to sweep through Columbus. It will bring a touch of irony with it.

Gee joked about being dismissed by Tressel. When he leaves, that, in essence, will be what has happened. And Gee will have deserved his canning just as much as Tressel deserved his.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Wheels within wheels

The latest FIFA corruption scandal has increasingly interesting layers.

You not only have the organization looking at vote buying allegedly conducted by presidential candidate Mohamed bin Hammam, you have another probe into the actions of current president Sepp Blatter, who allegedly overlooked said bribes.

Why would he do that?

Well, two reasons come to mind: 1) Bribery is just business as usual for FIFA jefes and 2) if the bribes went forward, Blatter would have something he might be able to use against bin Hamman when it counted.

But, this is silly talk. Blatter's reputation is unimpeachable. Don't believe me? Well, I call Seth's main character witness, one Vladimir Putin. Yes, that Vladimir Putin, who calls allegations against Blatter "complete nonsense."

Putin was a major player in Russia's uh ... surprising ... winning of the 2018 World Cup (no money changed hands ... no money changed hands .., no money ...) and if the former KGB operator says it's nonsense, I'm sure you can, well, take it to the bank.

Driving takes nerve, reflexes. Brains? Maybe not

So.

Kyle Busch thinks he can go 128 mph in a 45 mph zone and not be noticed.

In a $400,000 Lexus.

A yellow, $400,000 Lexus.

Or at least he did until he was busted Thursday in Concord, N.C.

In his NASCAR races, Busch may move like a rocket but clearly, he's no rocket scientist.

Here's good advice (please don't take it)

Bryan Stow’s family is suing the Dodgers over his parking lot beating.

The suit says Stow was “inappropriately exposed to the aggressive acts of third parties" because the Dodgers "failed to take reasonable steps to prevent the attack on Stow.”

"It's fairly simple," said attorney Thomas Girardi. “The Dodgers have shown a total disregard for public safety. They've gotten rid of security people, they've had all these incidents at their games, more than other teams, there's also a known gang presence. What did they think was going to happen?”

Considering the suit is filed in L.A., where Dodger owner Frank McCourt is about as popular as rabies …

Considering information from his recent ugly divorce from Jamie McCourt indicated the then-couple let stadium security slide while they siphoned off money to support a lavish lifestyle …

Considering that since Stow’s beating, the team has greatly increased security — even engaging the former chief of the LAPD — thus essentially proving part of the Stow family’s case, I offer a word of advice to McCourt:

Settle.

As of today, the Dodgers were planning on fighting the suit in court. Just like the Frank fought Jamie in court. One more word of advice, Frank:

SETTLE.

Still, it won’t bother me if you don’t. Like your divorce case, these court proceedings promise to be most interesting.

Well, THIS is a surprise

Recommended reading: An Associated Press story on drinking and sports. You’ll be shocked, I’m sure, to learn the two are rather closely linked.

"I hear from people who'd been going to games their entire life, they say, 'I don't go to games anymore,'" said Darin Erickson, who worked on some of the studies quoted in the story. "They tell stories about people swearing blatantly, throwing things and fights. It's not always actual assaults, but some of the people I talk to just aren't comfortable with the environment. And it seems that they're often saying it's attributable to general drunkenness."

You’ll also be shocked that pro teams, while giving lip service to closely monitoring excess drinking, largely do jack about it.

Why?

Too much money involved, not only in the sales of the booze, but in sponsorship green (think Busch Stadium, Coors Field, Miller Stadium).

The thugs who put Bryan Stow in a coma, by the way, were said to be drunk.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5i9X8UHXnjfpI4W749m0dlQT8dwbg?docId=12a9c919f1e940589a8791b45459adcf

Another shocker: Corruption at FIFA (gasp!)

An American on FIFA’s executive committee, is claiming that Mohamed bin Hammam of Qatar — running against Seth Blatter as head of the organization was offering cash on the barrel ($40,000) in exchange for votes. (That's the happy couple above.)

The headline for the New York Times story reads:

“FIFA can’t ignore insider’s charges of corruption”

To which I reply: Sure it can.

Now, Blatter may not want to ignore the charges, for sheer political reasons. Bin Hammam, after all, is his opponent. But could he? Could FIFA? Sure. An organization that riddled with corruption can pretty do anything it wants — without a single blush.

Friday column: A question of belief

Ah, Harold …

Here I was, exhaling a ginormous sigh of relief that the world didn’t go boom May 21 as you predicted, when you go and move the goal posts.

Now, I have to wait in terror five more months to Oct. 21?

Not fair, Harold.

Still, I think I’ll manage.

Somehow.

I’d give Harold credit for being light on his feet, but it’s rather a job requirement for a false prophet. In honor of Camping’s latest fizzle — he first predicted the End of it All in 1994 — The Christian Science Monitor ran a look back at some other apocalyptic busts.

My favorite was the 1954 prediction by a Chicago housewife and Dianetics follower involving aliens from the planet Clarion. Some of her followers, like Camping’s, quit jobs and sold possessions, then gathered at her house to await The Big Event.

When the appointed time came and went, her followers became increasingly agitated, whereupon the housewife announced she’d heard from the Clarions once again: God was so impressed by her group’s faithfulness, he had decided to spare Earth, after all!

Now, that’s being light-footed.

Lance Armstrong and his lawyers are not nearly as nimble on their toes. Perhaps they can’t be. Or perhaps they don’t have to be. It’s hard to tell.

To former associates’ accusations of the use of banned substances comes Armstrong’s mantra: “Never failed a drug test.” To former teammates’ allegations of cheating comes his lawyers’ mantra: “Liars out to sell a book.”

Armstrong doesn’t claim to be a prophet, but he does have followers, believers who have a stake in his story and his veracity.

Many of those have cancer, or have loved ones with cancer, and want very much to believe that the founder of the Livestrong Foundation won all those Tours de France riding clean.

One of them is Jennifer Floyd Engel, who writes for the Star-Telegram in Fort Worth, Texas. Her mother died of a hereditary form of cancer, a fact that, she says, “skyrockets my odds into an ugly place.”

Engel wrote this week about the importance of Armstrong’s Tour de France victories:

“The yellow jersey provided inspiration for everybody fighting cancer and everybody who may one day lock horns with this insidious disease. This was proof that doctors are not always right, that not everybody they say is going to die does and those who do win can come back stronger and better.”

Engel is shaken by the latest allegations but is hanging on to her belief in Armstrong’s innocence.

So is a friend of mine, who can marshal an impressive array of facts to support the view of Armstrong and his lawyers.

I would not dispute a single sentence of his litany; he knows the material much better than I.

And perhaps he is right; I would like him to be so.

And yet.

When there’s this much smoke, usually there is fire — somewhere.

It’s difficult for me to believe that all who have accused Armstrong have done so from ulterior motives, and even if they have, it doesn’t mean their charges don’t carry some truth (see Canseco, Jose).

It’s hard for me to believe that Armstrong — as fierce and driven a competitor as I’ve ever seen — would not avail himself of the same “edge” as did many of his competitors (and many of his teammates). Not if it meant victory instead of defeat.

Do I know he cheated? No, I don’t.

And I don’t know the world isn’t going to end Oct. 21.

But I’m not quitting my job.