Friday column: Brewing up a little wisdom

So.

Lindsay Lohan just borrowed a $2,500 necklace.

Well, sure; why not? After all, the rich are different from you and me. And the celebrity rich? They’re in a completely different universe. So a swank store allowing a celeb to prance out the door with such an ornament is not beyond the realm …

Therefore, I’m with the defense. Up to a point. And that point is reached when an anonymous member of Lohan’s entourage says the following:

“Lindsay doesn’t understand how the store can file a police report when they let her borrow the necklace. She’s used to getting gifted items that are worth way more than that. And why would (Lindsay) steal a necklace? She has tons of jewelry and doesn’t need anymore.”

Why would she steal a necklace?

Has the source forgotten the subject in question? Anyone who can pose a question beginning with the words, “Why would Lindsay … ” is detached from reality.

Seemingly, one might more profitably ask, “Why would a 46-year-old congressman with a wife and a young son and, presumably, a political future try to pass himself off as a divorced, 39-year-old lobbyist — and e-mail a photo of his flexing, shirtless self to a woman he met on Craigslist?”

That’s a question now-former Rep. Christopher Lee, R-NY, will be asking himself for — oh, let me see — the rest of his life. As will his family. As will anyone who voted for him. As will many who did not.

(Quick aside: As we learned in the Brett Favre fiasco, texting photos of your naked self is generally not a good idea.)

Frankly, I doubt the congressman or anybody else will arrive at a definitive and edifying answer.

But if anyone does, that person might move on to the question of why Albert Haynesworth in his Ford F-150 pickup last week allegedly felt the need to chase down a man in a 1994 Honda, get him to roll down his window, then punch him in the nose.

Haynesworth, it would seem, has little reason to be angry with the world, let alone a poor schlub in an aging Civic who may have cut him off. After all, in two years in Washington, the pouty Haynesworth has played like a dog but still collected about $500,000 per tackle, thanks to an embarrassingly hefty contract.

Of course, one might also ask why Haynesworth, upon signing a $100 million deal with the Washington Redskins, would suddenly turn into a complete jerk?

(Ha ha — trick question: Haynesworth was a jerk way before he inked that 2009 contract.)

Seeking a clue to mankind’s inexplicable nature (and looking for a way to end this column), I did a Web search for quotes on human behavior.

After plodding through the wisdom of the ages, I found myself preferring the simple sagacity of a 1990 beer ad:

Why ask why?

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.