Smooth — but believable?

So.

Urban Meyer checked himself into a hospital — except he didn’t.

It turns out his wife called 911 because he had had chest pains and was non-responsive.

Meyer has lied from the get-go on this, first stating not only that he had checked himself into the hospital but saying that it was for dehydration. He only later admitted feeling chest pain.

What else is the Florida football coach not being truthful about? Is he really coming back to coach the Gators after his “leave of absence,” or was his apparent 180 all about keeping Florida’s recruits in place? If so, is there a financial reward for doing so?

Sorry to sound so distrustful, Urban, but you’ve not given the press really much reason to believe you.

I like this idea

News item: The NBA has fined the Knicks’ Nate Robinson $25,000 for a trade demand made by his agent.

Comment: If we’re going to start fining players for agents, may I suggest Major League Baseball fine all of Scott Boras’ clients … simply for being Scott Boras’ clients.

Maybe Leach is the one with the concussion

A test for Mike Leach:

1) How many fingers am I holding up?

Now,

2) What DECADE is it?

Friday column: In sports, a sorry state of affairs

A few days ago, The Associated Press named its 2009 Athletes of the Year.

Big whup.

The AP didn’t touch the most fiercely contested category of athletic accomplishment — Apologizer of the Year. The Anti-Fan will bravely step into the breach.

Let’s start with the men.

Right away, I know what you’re thinking: Tiger.

Now, it’s true that Woods would bag Scandal of the Year, Screw-up of the Year or Disappearance of the Year, but his Web site progression from silence to admitted “transgressions” to admitted “infidelities,” while interesting, hardly rates a blip on the apology radar screen.

Unlike the mea culpa of the NBA’s Brendan Haywood, who, after questioning the sexual orientation of Stephon Marbury, issued a statement of regret with a classic apology element — throwing someone else under the bus.

“I wasn’t trying to come off like Tim Hardaway,” Haywood blogged, essentially saying, “Hey, I might be a homophobe — but I’m not a homophobe like Hardaway! Remember him? He was awful.”

But Haywood’s apology can’t compare with that of this year’s Male Apologizer of the Year — Alex Rodriguez.

A-Rod’s apology tour began in February after Serena Roberts broke the news that he had failed a Major League Baseball drug test in 2003.

First came an ESPN interview in which the slugger, who had denied steroid use loudly and long, said he was “very sorry and deeply regretful” — but not sorry enough to forgo bashing Roberts, whom he bizarrely accused of “stalking” him and trying to break into his home.

That led to his second apology — a phone call to Roberts. Next came an apology to Rangers owner Tom Hicks — for whom he played during his drug days — followed by a news conference in which he apologized to his Yankee manager, his Yankee teammates, his Yankee fans, the metropolis of New York and the entire civilized world.

Through it all, A-Rod managed to summon excuse after excuse, and actually insist that for three years he had had no idea what was being injected into his rump. That’s an all-time sports apology.

On the women’s side, we have a home-state contestant, Lobos soccer player Elizabeth Lambert, who apologized for a thuggish display against BYU while at the same time explaining that the uproar was because of 1) poor refereeing; 2) fan ignorance about the intricacies of the game; 3) mistaken identity; and 4) last but not least, gender bias.

That’s an impressive apology performance for a youngster, but not enough to wrest the women’s crown from Serena Williams, whose “regret” over cursing and threatening a lineswoman had to be dragged out of her over three days — and even then came with the requisite excuse: “I’m a very intense person and a very emotional person.”

Bravo, Serena. Bravo.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Growing up, growing better

Recommended reading: Jeffri Chadiha's ESPN piece on Ron Woodson, a player who came into the league with both talent and an attitude. Now with Green Bay, the veteran cornerback still has the talent but attitude has gone through an adjustment, and that adjustment affects everything Woodson does on — and off — the field.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/columns/story?page=hotread15/Woodson

Sounds reasonable to me

So.

The 2006 Land Rover that Southern Cal tailback Joe McKnight has been driving isn’t his — it’s his girlfriend’s.

OK.

And the car was registered not by the girlfriend, but by the girlfriend's boss, Scott Schenter, just because he’s a good guy.

OK.

And Schenter has no dreams of turning his relationship with McKnight into a marketing opportunity, just because he bought the Web site www.joemcknight4.com and has a company called “USC Marketing.”

OK.

And Schenter didn’t respond to questions about all this at first because he was in South Africa and the “internet is very expensive to use” there.

OK.

And everyone is telling the truth — even though McKnight obviously lied when he denied driving the car (he had been seen behind the wheel several times by reporters).

OK.

And McKnight might not play in Saturday’s Emerald Bowl because it’s all a big misunderstanding.

OK.

And the USC administration is investigating possible NCAA violations because of the misunderstanding.

OK

And we’re all dumb as a box of rocks.

OK.

On the way, maybe — but not there

Chris Henry, we’re told, had finally figured it out. He had turned his life around. He had put himself on the right path.

From the reaction of the locker room to his death, it’s certain the Bengal wide receiver was popular with his teammates, and it’s understandable they — along with team executives and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell — would speak words of praise in wake of his passing.

But about that passing …

Henry either fell or jumped from the back of a moving truck in the midst of an reported domestic dispute with Loleini Tonga, his fiancée and the mother of his three children. Tonga, the truck’s driver, was trying to get away from Henry. Witnesses heard him say, “If you take off, I'm going to jump out and kill myself.”

Henry apparently was in the process of change, and we’ll never know the person he might have become. But from the circumstances of his death, one thing is clear: The young man was a long way from figuring it all out.

Friday column: Time to get in touch with reality

I thought it a good thing when the NFL reinstated Michael Vick, and I believe that Vick, for the most part, has handled his return pretty well.

I root for him to continue to rebuild his life. America, after all, is a redemption nation. And today is Christmas, which is the beginning of a redemption story.

For all that, I was taken back by word that Vick’s Philadelphia Eagles teammates had voted him the Ed Block Courage Award, given to players throughout the league who exemplify commitment to the principles of sportsmanship and courage.

No doubt going from a luxe life to prison following his conviction for running a dogfighting ring was difficult, and coming back and facing the public’s scrutiny and, in some cases, hostility, was difficult.

On the other hand, what was he going to do? He knows how to do one thing: play football, and this year he’s being paid $1.6 million to do so. Next year, if the Eagles pick up his option, he’ll be paid $5.2 million.

Courage? Really?

“I’ve overcome a lot, more than probably one single individual can handle or bear,” Vick said. “You ask certain people to walk through my shoes, they probably couldn’t do. Probably 95 percent of the people in this world because nobody had to endure what I’ve been through …”

Has Vick actually taken a look at what so many people in the world have to endure on a daily basis? His comment suggests he still thinks of himself — to some degree — as a victim. If that’s the case, his teammates didn’t do him any favors by honoring him for his “courage.”

* * *

As Vick, it appears, still has enablers to buffer his encounter with reality, so does Tiger Woods. No one in sport was bigger than Woods, and the bigger the athlete/celebrity, the bigger the entourage.

Think of how many people must have known about his serial infidelities, and not only stood by and watch as he put his family at risk, but actively helped, setting up rendezvous and covering his tracks.

Such a favor they did him.

Even now, he has “friends” making excuses for his behavior, saying such things as the public doesn’t understand the pressure he was under. Now, Woods’ agent, Mark Steinberg, is beseeching the media, “Let’s please give the kid a break.”

Kid? In five days, Woods turns 34. He may have acted like a adolescent, but a third of his life is gone. Woods needs to start acting like an adult.

This cannot be a merry Christmas for Woods or any part of his family. Next year’s could be better. But to make it so, Woods need to do many things, including come out from behind his protective barriers and facing the world — sans sycophants.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

A great thing — for fixers

So.

David Stern thinks nationwide legalized gambling on NBA games might be a “huge opportunity” and a great thing for the league.

Stern, aka “the smartest guy in the room,” might want to check with FIFA President Seff Blatter, and see how legalized betting on soccer in Europe is helping “the beautiful game,” mired in a widespread, ugly and violent match-fixing scandal.

Counselor, I think I’d try a different defense

Canadian Dr. Anthony Galea, a sports medicine specialist who has treated hundreds of athletes, is being investigated for smuggling, advertising and selling unapproved drugs as well as criminal conspiracy.

Galea and his lawyer say his treatments do not break any laws or violate antidoping rules in sport.

“We’re confident that an investigation of Galea will lead to his total vindication,” Brian H. Greenspan, Galea’s criminal-defense lawyer, said. “Dr. Galea was never engaged in any wrongdoing or any impropriety. Not only does he have a reputation that is impeccable, he is a person at the very top of his profession.”

At the very top of his profession? Wow, I guess he can’t be guilty then. But wait, wasn’t Barry Bonds at the very top of his profession when he apparently lied and cheated? Wasn’t Roger Clemens at the top of his? Wasn’t Marion Jones at the top of hers?

As a defense, “at the very top of his profession” leaves a lot to be desired.

Lighten up, Roy Boy

Apparently, when it comes to North Carolina basketball, not only is a discouraging word seldom heard, it’s actually prohibited.

Recently, the Tar Heels hosted tiny Presbyterian College from Clinton, S.C., in the Dean Dome, and a visiting fan had the temerity to yell at a Tar Heel shooting a free throw.

Wrong move.

North Carolina coach Roy Williams had three cops — three! — remove the fan from the stands. No word on whether Williams also wanted the man beaten with a rubber hose, just to drive the lesson home.

During the post-game press conference, Williams told reporters he had the fan removed because he doesn't think that "anybody should yell anything negative at our players. Period."

Oh.

Friday column: Looking for probity in a Tiger world

Put not your trust in princes, Psalm 146 advises, and the counsel is as good now as the day it was written.

Millions of fans put their trust in Tiger Woods, golf’s crown prince — not just in his ability, though that was key, but also in the type of person they were led to believe he was.

Now, it turns out he’s not a prince among men in his personal behavior; and with his being linked to a doctor suspected of providing performance-enhancing drugs, perhaps his play on the links of the world isn’t all that princely, either.

Woods, of course, isn’t the only sports figure to disappoint recently, but even while remembering the psalmic wisdom, it isn’t necessary or helpful to allow that disappointment to morph into a “they all do it” mentality. There are examples, both distant and recent, of better behavior:

* Brian Kelly, meet John Wooden.

Kelly, head football coach at the University of Cincinnati, jumped to take the Notre Dame job after promising his Bearcats that he wasn’t going anywhere.

In contrast, in the early days of his career, John Wooden turned down a job he wanted in the Midwest for the simple reason he’d already agreed to go to UCLA. No, he hadn’t signed anything; he’d just given his word. His word was enough.

* Michigan State Nine, meet Shaky Smithson.

Nine Spartan football players have been charged with assault and conspiracy in connection with a fight at the campus residence hall of Iota Phi Theta. One of the players, involved in a dispute with the fraternity the night before, apparently called on some football buddies to help even the score, and they responded — thereby hurting other students, themselves, their team and their university.

In a sense-of-responsibility contrast, Smithson, a 22-year-old receiver for the Utah Utes, this season took on the extra burden of becoming the legal guardian of his 15-year-old brother in order to get him out of a dangerous Baltimore neighborhood. Marveled a teammate, “I can’t imagine taking on everything we have, as far as football and school goes, and then taking that responsibility on your shoulders as well.”

* Randy Moss, meet … well, any number of guys.

The pouting Patriots receiver took a day off Sunday when New England played Carolina. No — he played; he just didn’t play very hard.

But receivers such as Donald Driver and Hines Ward — or for that matter, Moss’ own teammate Wes Welker — never take plays off, let alone games, regardless of how their psyches are on a particular day.

* Tiger Woods, meet A.C. Green.

Since 2004, Woods has been marketed as a devoted family man, but the image and the truth are at odds. On the other hand, Green, who said his religious beliefs precluded pre-marital sex, began and ended his 15-year NBA career as a virgin. Green married a year into retirement, and no cocktail waitress, hostess or lingerie model has come forward to say his behavior and words weren’t absolutely congruent.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.

Not using his head

Tuesday’s apology or no, I doubt Hines Ward is still on Ben Roethlisberger’s best-buddy list after publicly questioning why the quarterback didn’t play in the Steelers’ 20-17 loss to Baltimore.

Roethlisberger only had suffered a concussion the Sunday before and had experienced exercise-induced headaches the week before the game. What’s the big deal?

After the game, Ward told an interview that the Steelers players were split 50-50 on whether Roethlisberger should have played. He also said he himself had lied to doctors and played with concussions, adding that, “these games, you don’t get back.”

Hines, you know what also you don’t get back once it’s gone? Your brain.

At one point in the interview, Ward boasted, “I’m a competitor.”

If this is how you really think, Hines, you’re also a fool. So be a fool with your own brain, and leave your teammates’ brains — and futures — to them.

Silence not always golden

Poor Tim Floyd.

The former Southern California basketball coach is aggrieved the USC administration didn’t support him when a former handler for O.J. Mayo — Floyd’s onetime one-season star — said he had received an envelope full of cash from Floyd, and that Mayo received gifts and money while playing for the Trojans.

All serious NCAA violations.

Floyd, who has hooked on as an assistant with the NBA’s New Orleans Hornets, is also unhappy so many people believe he was dirty.

“O.J. came to us, no shenanigans, no promises of money, of anything. O.J. the young man lived his college life with no car, no apartment. I just wish people would do research.”

Well, Tim, I did some research — on you, and I discovered that in the wake of Louis Johnson’s allegations, you said nothing — nada, niente, bupkis — to defend yourself. You ran from reporters with same speed Mayo uses in jacking up a shot.

Then you quit.

Now, the Garbo routine and the quitting might not be proof of guilt, but it doesn’t make me feel disposed to believe you now.

The epitome of class

So.

Georgia football coach Mark Richt fires three defensive coaches but asks them to coach in the team’s upcoming bowl game.

In other words, in order to save his job, he’s throwing them under the bus, essentially saying, “Hey, I recruited just fine — it’s your coaching that screwed everything up … Now come help me further my career with a bowl win.”

Old Reliable, Requiescat In Pace

I got to know a little bit about Tommy Henrich from reading books such as David Halberstam’s fine book Summer of ’49, and everything I learned about Henrich was positive.

Work habits. Teamwork. Clutch play. All exemplary.

His life away from the ballpark apparently also qualifies.

Henrich, who died Tuesday at 96, even made an impression on the cynical Casey Stengel, his manager for two seasons with the Yankees:

“He’s a fine judge of a fly ball,” the Old Professor told The New Yorker in 1949. “He fields grounders like an infielder. He never makes a wrong throw, and if he comes back to the hotel at 3 in the morning when we’re on the road and says he’s been sitting up with a sick friend, he’s been sitting up with a sick friend.”

Isn't there a law against this?

News bulletin: Hoftra, which has been playing football since the university’s founding in 1937, will play it no longer.

“The cost of the football program, now and in the future, far exceeds the return possible,” Hofstra president Stuart Rabinowitz said Thursday.

Rabinowitz said the $4.5 million spent annually on the team will be used on need-based scholarships and other priorities.

A school using money used for academic scholarships when it could be used for athletics? That’s crazy!

Friday column: Tiger, Tiger, not burning so bright

Do you know how I know Tiger Woods — the No. 1 athletic icon on the planet — has really messed up?

It’s not that the National Enquirer claims Woods had an affair with a New York “VIP host.”

It’s not that US Weekly alleges he had a two-year affair with a cocktail waitress.

It’s not that the New York Daily News says he had a fling with a Las Vegas nightclub promoter.

It’s not that he crashed his car into a fire hydrant and a tree at 2:25 in the morning and that his wife was wielding a 3-iron.

It’s not that Woods is vaguely apologizing for letting his family down and is begging for privacy.

OK, yes — it is all those things. But it’s also this: the caliber of people rushing to his defense.

“I don’t really care what happened between Tiger and … whatever happened. I’m just glad he’s OK,” said John Daly, whose personal life is a cross between a country-western song and a train wreck.

“Everybody made a big deal out of it, but it’s not a big deal because the only one perfect is God,” said Ron Artest, best known for a brawl he started in the stands in Detroit and a man who recently appeared on national TV in his boxer shorts.

Well, Ron, I know you’re so rarely wrong, but it is a big deal, and very surprising. Not surprising as in Wow, Woods is not the perfect person his carefully crafted image would suggest, but surprising as in Wow, he apparently thought he could keep the image while behaving like Bill Clinton on a Viagra drip.

I mean, did he really think he could cavort with a bimbo or three and not have word get out — from the bimbos at the very least? According to US Weekly, Woods left 300 text messages on the phone of the L.A. cocktail waitress — 300!

Though, really, one would have been too many — especially one like the voice mail he allegedly left last week asking the waitress to change the ID on her phone so that his wife wouldn’t recognize it.

Instead, the waitress reportedly sold the sound bite and her story for a hundred large, evidentally surprising Woods, who perhaps had convinced himself he was dating her for her character.

A hundred large, of course, is piffle. Reports are that Woods already has transferred $5 million into his wife’s account and, when not engaged in daily marriage counseling sessions — those must be fun — is rewriting the couple’s prenuptial agreement in a way that could cost him $55 million.

So it’s good news that Nike, Gatorade and other companies Woods makes money for are standing by their dollar — I mean, by their man — for now, anyway. Still, endorsement psychology is based on the idea that the consumer in some sense wants to be the endorser — and I don’t think anyone wants to be Tiger Woods right now.

Contact Jim Gordon at gjames43@msn.com.