Friday column: Steel cages, syringes and 'bad boys'

News item: The same day New Mexico suspends head football coach Mike Locksley for hitting an assistant, the NFL says it will consider taking action against Oakland head coach Mike Cable for allegedly breaking an assistant’s jaw.
Comment: Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yes — steel-cage match: “Two coaches go in — but only one comes out!” For charity, of course.

News item: The discovery of “several suspicious syringes” linked to the Astana cycling team — the one featuring Tour de France winner Alberto Contador and third-place finisher Lance Armstrong — spurs French prosecutors to open an investigation into possible drug cheating.
Comment: The relentless effort of the French to nail Lance Armstrong makes Inspector Javert look like Inspector Clouseau.

News item: The Rev. Al Sharpton urges the NFL to reject any ownership bid involving Rush Limbaugh, saying the radio host is racially divisive.
Comment 1: Duh.
Comment 2: Al Sharpton’s worried about somebody being racially divisive? Al Sharpton?

News item: A recent poll indicates that American families with a household income of $75,000 or less now have zero dollars of discretionary income.
Comment: What’s discretionary income?

News item: Louisville basketball players Jerry Smith and Terrence Jennings — both projected starters — are charged with resisting arrest at an alumni party, and head coach Rick Pitino says the matter “will be handled internally.”
Comment: How does Pitino mete out any discipline — internal or external — after his well-publicized fall from grace?

News item: Matt Jones, dumped by Jacksonville after two arrests and a league suspension — all drug-related — reportedly has at least five teams interested in signing him.
Comment: Those teams seem to forget that for all his speed — he once ran a 4.37 40-yard-dash — Jones is yet to outrun either his drug problems or the cops.

News item: Barack Obama receives the Nobel Peace Prize for not being George W. Bush.
Comment: Can I get a Pulitzer for not being Stephen Glass?

News item: Oakland defensive tackle Gerard Warren, reveling in the Raiders’ outlaw image despite their 1-4 record, says, “We’re still the most hated — the bad boys coming into town.”
Comment: If they had to, opposing teams would send limos to pick up the “bad boys” at the airport — even pick up their air fare.

News item: Four days after the arrest of Smith and Jennings, Pitino announces that neither will miss a single game.
Comment: See what I mean?